Friday, November 30, 2007

Fun photo friday...randomocity





Rainy days and Fridays perk me up

Waking up to the sound of rain outside is my favorite way to wake up.... the gloom and the cool makes me not want to leave the warm covers, but its kind of comforting when it rains in LA. (That is of course untill you get in accident like I did two years ago during our first big rain.)

Thursday, November 29, 2007

2 Girls, 1 Cup, 1 Grandma

The most priceless rection vid yet to one of the nastist things on the net...

The Dilly Sisters



Its infectious...

Carmen like Electra, Webber like that crappy over-inflated British theatre mogul

Carmen Webber has left the building on Project Runway in week three, and good riddance. If you asked me, half that group shoulda been tossed out for their complete lack of creativity and know how when it comes to making men's clothing. I had waited for ages for Project Runway to brave the world of men's fashion for a challenege, and what did we get? We get models with terribly sewn crotches, half finished garmens, a shirt that resembled a reject from 7th grade home economics class, and one model with swath of fabric "Where the shirt should be, but I ran out of time." Guys..... are you kidding me? You can whip out a three piece look for a woman in under 6 hours complete with details, accessories and little scarf you threw together, but you can't make a pair of men's pants? The fat guy had it right when he said "Pants aren't that hard, its just like sewing two long sleeves together." I think this challenge showed us just how much talent you THINK you have when it comes to sewing... Even the queeny muscle bound Jack guy had to rip apart his shorts to make a pattern for half of you to follow! Jesus, its not like you are having to flatline a bias cut velvet gown with silk georgette on the inside, that my friend would be very difficult. Get your heads in the game, Ricky stop crying cause you're next, Christian quit being your inflated self and actually make something as good as you say you can, Elisa keep scaring me in that spit on fabric can't touch or look at a male model way... I kind of like it, and the rest of you just get to work.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hazardous Materials



This is a great short film made by filmmaker Teresa Foley in Pittsburgh. I had the pleasure of viewing several of her works at a screening there when I was in grad school and liked this one immensely. It is a great look at war, work, and the everyman. There's even a fun twist at the end. I really like her style and love some of her other short films like "Slammy the Cat" and "Flight and Fight."

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Now I'll never be a teen model!

So yesterday morning, I got into work and sat at my desk as always. The next ten or so minutes consisted of the usual post vacation chat about turkeys, pies, tiredness, family etc... After recounting to my boss about the wonderful break I had enjoyed, it hit me..... The plastic cover for the fluorescent lights above me smacked me down like a bitch and left three nice gashes in my nose. I know poor me, but it all really did happen so fast. Laugh laugh, loud noise, bang and I'm down. I now fear being cheery in the office. Perhaps that's what they want!? All kidding aside I'm fine and just a little embarrassed at how these weird things happen to me frequently in life, remember my little scrap with an electric door? Anywho, the bandaid is off today, I got a well deserved extra day at home with an ice pack and some movies, and the throbbing sensation has subsided.



To recap turkey day: It was a lovely day with good friends, a wonderfully juicy turkey, and some mellow fun. I even made a tart which turned out pretty well. (A little over cooked in the crust dept. but still good.) All had a good time and I was comatose in bed by 11:30. We all also learned from my roommate's sister that the new term for a Queef (female vaginal fart) is a "Rose Fart." Odd, I know, you kinda had to be there. I hope someday a writer friend will name one of their characters "Rose Varts." I digress.

I got in alot of movie watching time so here's my bit second reviews of all the films I saw:

1. Beowulf. Ok, still look kinda corpse-ish, lotsa ass, very rentable fair but not riveting.

2. Enchanted. Cute, Amy Adams MAKES this movie. Patrick Dempsey is still a block of salt. Worth a rent if you are bored and want to smile, don't bother seeing it in the theatre with all the whiny kids.

3. The TV Set. Weird, too insidery for those who aren't in the biz (aka boring for them) and the only redeeming factor: Sigourney Weaver in a light bitchy role. David Duchovny and beard= bad.

4. Zoo. Disturbing doc on beastiality that is set in my hometown Enumclaw, WA. Worth a watch for its subtle style of telling such a touchy story. Worth a rent for those with a stronger mind than stomach. Also, in one shot you can see the back of my old house up on the hill.

5. Notes on a Scandal. Wonderful, great acting, a must see, creepiest damn Judi Dench character EVER.

6. Year of the Dog. Disappointing, Molly Shannon is boring, weirdly depressing and not as hopeful or funny as it says it is...avoid it.

7. Day Watch. If you liked Night Watch, this is a great continuation of the funky Russian vampire/ matrixy good vs. evil trilogy. They weren't nearly as specific and creative with the subtitles this go round.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Oh Oksana...

Oksana Baiul looks old, frumpy, and a little pregnant here in a picture from her 30th birthday. (Wasn't she just like 12 yesterday?)



If she keeps up her fashion sense like this, she'll be looking like this 20-30 years down the road...



(Does anyone else see George Burns in drag?)

I so want...


This 50's vintage Shriner's Cap side table!

Happy Holidays: Brenda Dickson Style!



Another installment by Deven Green and her famous parody of Brenda Dickson.

An early happy Turkey Day


I'll be off from bloggin' the next few days so everyone enjoy their overly fatty and delicious meals wherever they may be.

Cause sometimes we just need a laugh



Ummmm WTF!?

Gobble Gobble Mother F*cker

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Sunset on the playa

Bai Ling is from another planet...

One of the best things about my morning is listening to Indie 103.1 and hearing some of the interviews with the people they manage to snag. This morning, many of my preconcieved notions were confirmed about the actress/ singer/ freak Bai Ling. Something I didn't expect was to be pleasantly surprised by her presence and her intellect. Bai Ling has been more of a joke to me with her bizarre fashions and laughable singing stint on reality TV, but this interview showed a deeper side of her. She was quite playful and strange as expected, but she spoke wonderfully about her role in the new movie "Southland Tales" from the director Richard Kelly. I have to say, all her "I'm from another planet" speech aside, I really think I like her now. And I was even more enthused to hear that one of my favorite books "Shanghai Baby" has been made into a feature film with her in the main role. She is perfect for this character, and I can't wait to see it. I hear through the grapevine it has yet to get a formal release date here in the US, but I expect it will be Spring of 2008 when we get a chance to see it. The slightly NSFW trailer is below (Partial nudity).

Monday, November 19, 2007

Dr. Frankenstein catches a wave!

Came across a really good surf rock band today from Portugal called Dr. Frankenstein. Their newest album is available for free off the internet at the link below called "The Cursed Tapes." They have a great sounds and don't seem to resort to all the old standards of the surf rock world. They even seem to have a more dark take on the whole genre. Its a short but sweet album I highly suggest downloading. The album is safe for work listening or might just be a good background to your next cocktail party.

Download a zip file of the whole album for free HERE.

Another Spam email: this time a bizarre almost Russian novel!

I often get those "Make Penis ten time bigger!" or "Become willing sex god for cheap!" and I even got one this morning that said "Make breast lergerer and so many suckle nip long times!" I always look through my spam mail for one reason, and that is the few that slip through with very strange nonsensical passages in them. The last was more of a poem and this one I have deemed a Russian novel:

"title: Conversation: as

body of email: for him. Prince Vasili became thoughtful and frowned. Anna Mikhaylovna saw that he was afraid of finding in her the third circle, Naryshkin was speaking of the meeting of the Russian Council of War at which Suvorov repressed laugh. Equipage or appear in the streets of Petersburg in an old uniform. He made friends with and sought the He looked at her attentively. The comander in Chiefs carriage, and he sat down on the bench at the gate awaiting his Serene Highness.

Click here for Viagra!"


I gotta say, it almost sucked me into its story, till he sat there on the bench with a hard on waiting...

Friday, November 16, 2007

You go girl!


HUGE congrats go out to CMU co-hort o' mine Megan Hilty for nabbing the role of Doralee (the Dolly Parton role) in the new musical "9 to 5" on broadway! The show will start here in LA in Sept. 2008 and move to Broadway that Fall. It seems she will be in good company with Alison Janney at her side in the Lily Tomlin role, and Stephanie Block in the Jane Fonda role. You'll probably be glad to ditch the wand and put on the heels huh? Megan, we all told you you'd rock the world someday.... Tadah!

Unexpected Rain


My Roommate shaared this video with me last night of Melissa Etheridge singing "Unexpected Rain" live. The song is from her new wonderful album. By now you may have guessed I have pretty eclectic taste in music, and hopefully you'll give this great song a listen. It also reminded me of the incredible performance she gave on the grammy's a few years back right after she was recovering from her last round of chemo. You have to check that video out below! Ignore Joss Stone's first half and skip right to Melissa Belting out "Another Piece of my Heart" with all her might.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Everybody else must have called in sick...


Matt Damon is the sexiest man alive acccording to people magazine! Oh yeah...um...yeah...like... give me some of that! Oh god I think I just threw up in my mouth a little....

In other more uplifting news CNN's Nancy Grace has been hospitalized with blood clots! Our thoughts and prayers are with Nancy's family and friends who are most likely hoping she won't make it.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Today felt a little rushed...

It seemed to ebb and flow between a frenzied pace of frantic energy and moments of serene quiet when I'd manage to tune out the world and im chat with people, or putz on the net.

I kind of just wish I was just here:

Monday, November 12, 2007

A cup of Joe and a mid-morning distraction...

The most handsome damn man started work today in the office. I turned to the corner to meet the two new guys expecting the same old niceties and intros, but was stopped in my tracks by a smile, gorgeous build, sweet blue eyes and a southern accent to boot. I don't stand a chance at getting any work done if he so much as walks into my room.... oy vey! Is it warm in here?

My weekend: in a dream film

Most weekends find me tired, spent, and lazy... This weekend was exactly that, but I had somehow managed to drag myself out of bed earlier than usual on Sunday. I showered, dressed, and grabbed some lunch before hitting the local film rental outlet. With determination to find a good film festival that both suited my mood and allowed me to catch up on movies I've been wanting to see.... I picked four wonderful gems. All four films have a dreamlike quality, you feel as though you are floating through the story with the characters.

I began my film fest with a great film called "Cashback."

This film was first brought to my attention by Scott over at SardonicBomb. It is a sweet, funny, chaarming, and extremely creative film about a young art student that uses his insomnia to his advantage by working nights at a 24 hour grocery store. It is part love story, part experimental film, part 3d photograph, and gives the viewer the same feeling that every artist has when studying something they find beautiful. I highly suggest seeing this.

Next up was the most recent film by John Cameron Mitchell of Hedwig fame: "Shortbus."

This was one fun ride. This film did kind of shock me in the first 5 minutes, where you see actors actually copulating.... yes, it was Mitchell's idea of commitment to the storyline and I have to say, as much as many people took issue with that choice saying it was purely for shock value I have to side with Mitchell. The sex was what the story was about. It was real, unedited not perfect and sexy, it was just as awkward and frenzied as sex can truly be. (You have to see this film if only to see someone sing the star spangled banner into an asshole.) He pushed the envelope wildly left and right with this movie, but the heart of the film is its sweet characters that with all their faults, omissions, and sideways intentions. You will love to go on this journey with them. I really enjoyed the movie, I laughed, blushed, and in many ways felt kind of at home. There is something about that crazy artist collective in this film that reminds me of undergrad and the sweet random exclamations of freedom we too shouted to the skies.

After the first two films, I was primed for my next adventure. I am a huge David Lynch fan, and was kind of sad I never got my ass in gear to see this in the theaters, but I had saved it for a grey day like Sunday and therefore picked up my copy of "Inland Empire."

Laura dern has the perfect face for this roll. She has ways of expressing such a strong sense of emotion with just the smallest of muscle movements and a slighly open jaw. This is a dream world that is best seen and not necessarily talked about. Lynch has such a great hand at creating dreamscapes that you can just lean into it and accept it as a whole. He is not for the faint of heart, and this piece is just as dense if not more so than Mullholland Drive, but it is an experience I think everyone should brave at least once. Check it out, you may even like it.

To end my day of movie watching, I concluded with a film I enjoyed more than I ever expected to: "Paris Je T'aime."

I've been to Paris, and i've seeen all those films with skinny actresses from america wandering streets, getting lost in love, eating bread.....um yeah... check please.... This was something VERY different. This was a grouping of many smaller vignettes around the city, each with a different director taking the helm and putting their stamp on a story they saw as truly part of Paris. It was great! Each story so very different, but the look and feel of the film was beautifully seamless. The film was sweet, melancholic, funny, strange... in many ways just perfect. It's a great date movie or something to toss in on a cold lazy day. For those of you who might be scared off, I should mention that it is subtitled (not very well and a little too intrusively...but nonetheless.) and includes spanish english and french in its dialogue. See this film if only to see Wes Craven do a love story that doesn't involve murder or blood. My personal favorite was one scene entirely narrated by a woman in bad french acccent of her trip to Paris as if she is presenting her report to her French class. Its more touching and fun than you can imagine.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Let's Jam Kids!



Don't know why, but this little ditty has been so infectious to me, not to mention just how fun this video is! Chromeo, I dig ya!

Fun Video Friday!



I bring you Serge Gainsbourg vs. Whitney Houston. Oh Whitney, it's like looking into your future mais non?

Was that a flying dinosaur?!


Driving to work the other day a bird let loose all over my windshield. I swerved a little as it hit thinking someone had thrown a shake at one side of my window, but alas it was the mother of all bird turds. I emptied half the damn thing of washer fluid just to be able to see out my window. Since they say its good luck when a bird craps on you, does that mean my car just got a dose of good luck for life?!

Speaking of stopping traffic...



When I was 19, I didn't own a car. My father would have to drop by and pick me up to drag my ass home for a weekend with the parents. The drive from Seattle back to Enumclaw was usually a quiet and boring adventure as the radio in his truck had been busted for some time. To pass the time I would people watcch as the cars passed by, and believe me when I say, the northwest didn't have the most attractive pickin's when it came to this pasttime.

Now I am not a person who makes eye contact with stragers all that easily, for the most part I am avoiding it at all costs. I think this habit comes from my time avoiding panhandlers and tourists' questions in SF, as well as the unfriendly vibe I got when living in Pittsburgh. Very rarely would I make eye contact for longer than a second while staring down these semi-conscious drivers of the I-5 corridor.

One day on my way home with dad at the helm, I was taken aback by a very handsome man in the red pickup truck next to us who kept looking back and smiling. I glanced at my dad to see if he noticed the flirtation but he didn't, so I smiled right back locking eyes with the handsome devil to my right. He kept up the pace riding right alongside us and I kind of wish I would have pulled out a piece of paper and written my number on it. As he stared me down for a long minute, he seemed to forget about the car in front of him down the way that had pulled to a stop due to congestion by the offramp. BAM! It all happened so fast that all I saw was a blur of airbag and a chunk of red reflector flying toward the side of our car and then he was gone... We were already far down the road in our fast lane. "Damn! did you see that?!" my dad yelped. "Um....yeah dad...weird...he must not have been paying attention."

I was actually kind of freaked, had I just caused an accident? Now when I think about it, I realize: I am the most beautiful Geisha... I can stop a man in his tracks with one look. (Ok it took more like 17 looks and one long gaze, but it still did the job.)

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Oy with the hipster couples!



So over the last few weeks it has come to my attention that I am getting older...slipping away from youth more and more... Now, this isn't some call to arms for a mid-life crisis or anything, but I am noticing that so many of my friends and the people I see each day are coupling up if not already having babies. That old joke about gettin' knocked up seems to have found its triumphant punchline. Weddings, babies, divorces even... In the age old words of Kelly: "What the hell?!"

I see hipster couples pushing strollers with their kids around adorned in ironic vintage tees scaled down for baby. (Does your kid really listen to Suicidal Tendencies?) Tattooed throngs pushing their kiddies to and fro, gay men cooing into another damn over-priced perambulators... And those who once proclaimed that "selling out" was a fate worse than death now drive gas hogging expensive mini-vans while shopping at Whole Foods. I guess we all grow up eventually and "settle down" but as of late I am feeling torn. Am I the last one in my circle to grow up?

I saw one very cute, very hip couple the other day sitting in their new car just gazing into eachother's eyes as their baby sat asleep in the backseat. (Yes, the kid had a Clash shirt on.) I must say I felt a little jealous, yes. I realized that my gross "What the fuck is wrong with you guys! You totally sold out and look ridiculous!" momentary thought, was how my friends looked at me for three years when I was with Michael.... and then the two and half years with Keith... I was informed that "playing house" at my age was a waste of my time and that dancing and flitting from guy to guy was a better way to live. I didn't listen. I still don't really agree with their assesment as so much of those two doomed relationships taught me so much, and made me who I am today. I do think, however that my reaction had alot to do with wanting that feeling back. "Playing house" seems to be what everyone is aiming for these days and I have to say to all you bitches who gave me shit back then, good luck... enjoy it... I hope it works out and lasts forever. (See I'm not that bitter.) I want it too. I want those moments of hand holding, gazing into eyes, watching a movie at home while its rainy, cuddling up in the warm bed while its so cold outside... (Winter might be the cause of this nesting bout?) Who doesn't want that right? I know Paul in Atlanta can attest to this... My last "date" was a sad disaster that at leaast included a swim in a pool. (What? It was a hot day and i'm not above going on a date with someone for their pool, even though they were the most dull man I had met since moving here.) Perhaps I'm looking in all the wrong places. Is my next step a Match.com kind of website? Shall I call from the mountaintops of Griffith Park my predicament, or would that smack as too desperate? Hell, lying in the road is another sure fire way to stop traffic, don't put it past me.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

In support of the writers on strike...

...Rosie O'Donnell has agreed to stop shaving her chest... and back...and chin..and.....

Keywords that scare me...

So when I finally checked on my site statistics, I found that the most popular search terms that led to my blog were the following:

-Nude Girls Tall Grass (huh?)
-Angry Whores Bitches Smelly Stockings (okay...um WTF....)
-a few things about Burning Man (okay, yeah I blab about that a bit too often huh?)
-Clever Halloween Costumes (at least that one made me feel a little better...)

and the number one search term is: Stevie Nicks Fajita Roundup!

so here you go kids...its what everyone is apparently searching for and I can toss it on here again, back by popular searchable demand: Stevie Nicks' "Fajita Roundup!"


Online Videos by Veoh.com

Hipster Bingo!



I am so printing a few copies off and heading to a coffee shop with friends sometime. This is way more fun than a scavenger hunt.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

My "maybe i'm alone here" music review

Puscifer: V is for Vagina


So there's a guy by the name of Maynard James Keenan who has created bands such as Tool and Perfect Circle, and has now released an album under the group name "Puscifer." That last sentence may have driven most people away from the following, which is a shame....

I was a fan back in the day of Tool, but never really gelled with the band Perfect Circle, so for the most part this guy had all but fallen off my radar until the other day. When I drive to work in the morning I typically listen to the local NPR station, or "the last of the famous international morning shows with Joe Escalante on indie 103.1." To my surprise, not only was the interview I caught of Maynard interesting, but I really liked the single they played. Very rarely on one listen to one song do I run out and buy the album. (9.99 on itunes or at best buy.) I have to say, I've really been digging this album ever since Halloween. The music is layered, intricate, moody and he has created some amazing aural landscapes that make my ears tingle. I'd even go as far as to say that about 3/4 of the songs on here would make a good album to throw on when you're...you know, gettin' down. The only bad part of this whole thing is the kind of sad attempt at an album name, "V is for Vagina," and the general sophemoric attitudde used when creating an icon like the big breasted demon chick thing above... Its been said by many that this is Keenan's playground, and a place for him to experiment and not filter... is that really all he could come up with? It makes the album seem unapproachable or childish to many and that means they may never pick it up. Perhaps that's his goal? I'm not sure here. Even the name is a lame conglomeration of the words Pussy, Pascifier, and Lucifer.... please...

From Wikipedia: [Puscifer's original name was Umlaut, "a premiere improvisational hardcore band." The name "Puscifer" was first publicized as a fictional band in the first episode of Mr. Show, including Keenan and Adam Jones as members. Jones is not associated with Puscifer otherwise, although artwork by Jones has been featured on Puscifer apparel (the "Your Mom's a Bitch" shirt, specifically.) Keenan describes Puscifer as "simply a playground for the various voices in my head," "a space with no clear or discernible goals," and "where my Id, Ego, and Anima all come together to exchange cookie recipes."]

It's a great album in my book, even though many hardcore fans have turned on their heels and are running away from this album of Keenan's. If you haven't heard it, you can stream it on their website and see if perhaps you'd like it. Maybe you'll think i'm nuts for digging this kind of music, or perhaps you are one of those die hard fans who has already fled... This project is not some poppy, sappy, gummy album that everyone would, should or could like. Let me know what ya think!

Here is the possibly NSFW music video for the first single "Queen B"

Here's a good party tip!


Thanks to Billy for sending me this.

Sally likes her toys with a side of GHB!


Click here to see a story on a new toy being recalled for its apparent ability to turn into GHB (date rape drug) when ingested by the human body! Imagine all the limp passed out kids all over australia blissed out and about to have the worst come down of their lives. "Mommy we were playing and all of a sudden Sally passed out and started foaming at the mouth...." "Oh Timmy, don't you know that's just what happens when Sally gets her new shipment of Bindeez in?!"

Monday, November 05, 2007

Gettin' sassed by a whore!

Ok, so there is a really F'ed up show on Adult Swim (Cartoon Network) my friends Billy and Glen introduced me to. Now I thought i'd show two little clips for your viewing enjoyment. Here is "Squidbillies." My personal fave is granny...


Is YOUR hog on meth?

Names have been changed to protect the drunk and innocent

Let's say you had a friend who woke up one day after a crazy Halloween.... And they told you the next time you saw them that they had been thrashing in bed all night feeling a shooting pain in their groinal region...

Now lets imagine them waking up to find a blow pop stuck in their pubes... Would you assume that they would cut it out of their hair and take a picture with their phone? If you said yes, you'd be right...

A little monday soul



Thanks to Mark for the tip off. This is a great video made using vintage cameras bought on ebay for 50 bucks. Gotta love it.

Coming Soon:

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings - LIVE!
Nov 9 @ Boston, MA @ Middle East Underground
Nov 10 @ Burlington, VT @ Higher Ground
Nov 11 @ Montreal, QC @ La Tulipe
Nov 13 @ Toronto, ON @ Lee's Palace
Nov 14 @ Detroit, MI @ Magic Stick
Nov 15 @ Chicago, IL @ Park West
Nov 16 @ Minneapolis, MN @ First Avenue
Nov 17 @ Milwaukee, WI @ Turner Hall
Nov 18 @ Indianapolis, IN @ The Vogue
Nov 20 @ Cleveland, OH @ Beachland Ballroom
Dec 1 @ San Diego, CA @ Belly Up
Dec 2 @ Santa Ana CA @ Galaxy Theater
Dec 4 @ Los Angeles, CA @ El Rey Theatre
Dec 5 @ San Francisco, CA @ Bimbo's
Dec 7 @ Portland, OR @ Doug Fir Lounge
Dec 8 @ Seattle, WA @ Neumo's
Dec 9 @ Vancouver, BC @ Commodore Ballroom
Dec 10 @ Bellingham, WA @ The NIghtlight
Dec 14 @ Philadelphia PA @ Theatre of Living Arts
Dec 15 @ Washington DC @ Black Cat
Jan 3 @ Ft Lauderdale @ Culture Room
Jan 4 @ Ft Lauderdale @ Jam Cruise

Friday, November 02, 2007

Fun photo friday...accessorize!


Who wouldn't want a bag that looks like innards?

Some dickwads never learn

Pulled from the Associated press:

"SAN FRANCISCO—Legal problems are mounting for the performance artist accused of prematurely torching the Burning Man festival's namesake effigy in August.
San Francisco prosecutors have charged Paul Addis with three felonies and two misdemeanors for allegedly planning to set fire to the city's historic Grace Cathedral.
Besides attempted arson, Addis faces charges of possessing explosives and incendiary devices, removing required markings from an imitation firearm and violating a court order.
Addis was out on bail in the Burning Man case when police say he was found with an ammunition belt of small explosives outside the Episcopal church late Sunday.
He remains jailed in San Francisco, where he's scheduled to be arraigned on Wednesday."

Does this idiot not stop? Now he's trying to blow up a church? Me thinks he's not a performance artist....he's just a firebug!

Overheard at the post office...

(Upon entering I see a very large cat in a wheeled carrier with some strange old woman feeding it cheese through the grating...she pushes it outside)

Female Clerk 1: "Damn that was one big frickin' kitty!"

Female Clerk 2: "Damn right! That thing musta been one of them Mancoons!"

Female Clerk 1: "uh huh... probably gonna eat her face off one of these days! Those crazy cat ladies are getting to be size queens and you know where that leads!"

Female Clerk 2: "Can I help you sir?"

(As I try to contain my laughter...)