Tuesday, May 29, 2007

This house is officially warmed

Well, the party went off without a hitch. There were some damn great times had by all, and some bizarre memories created. Here's a quick rundown of the event in snippets...

-The sun is still really too warm at 6pm...
-Hairdressers get drunk really fast when they finally get a chance to sit down
-Costco meatballs are much more flavorful than you think and disappear really fast
-Spinach dip in a breadbowl will vanish in under 5 minutes when drunks find it sitting in front of an unattended sofa
-A velvet Mexican Sombrero is a very strange housewarming gift (thanks Shawna), but is quite entertaining when placed on the head of the first gay to pass out.... "get the camera"
-We finally found a use for the strange area behind our garage...
-Even at around 3 in the morning...
-Shadow gets very needy before a party, but amazingly enough won't ever really bark...
-Ice is our friend...always keep lots around...
-Always allow Mark to make a cd for your party...the perfect mix is in his hands!
-When mixing drinks, hold the shaker lid on REAL tight, right Claude?
-Never agree to take the party to the nearby bar when more than half of your group is either done drinking or doesn't drink... but thank god it's close to home so you can just go back there for more.
-At 1am "Avian gay bar"(also known as "New local gay bar" and "The parakeet" or even the "Regal Beagle.") is always too far to travel to...
-When all is said and done, having a housewarming party really does make the place feel official....it ads that final nail into the reality and suddenly the place is truly ours.

Thanks to all who came! You all made us feel great about the place. Those who missed it.. your loss, but hopefully we'll see you at a future party we throw.

RIP Charles Nelson Reilly

Odly enough, his best known quote:

“The thing that's funny is that everyone thinks I'm dead.” -CNR

Friday, May 25, 2007

In his off season....

Randy Jackson takes up working the Matterhorn Ride at Disneyland.

Morbid little children's books

OMG.....too frickin' funny. These morbid takes on children's books photoshop contest is well worth a look!


Thursday, May 24, 2007

You are free America...

Free to return to your daily lives, spend time with your children, play in the streets again, leave the couch and venture into that big scary world, because American Idol is FINALLY over....

Yes, unless your head has been firmly cemented into the ground you probablynot only know who won, but were there on your ass witnessing the final in all its glory. Did anyone else wonder who that strange drag queen was impersonating Bette Midler? I also wondered if there was a way to calculate just how much plastic surgery Smokey Robinson has had on his face... but anywho... All that matters is we are now free. We as a people can rise up, turn off the tube, and move on knowing the creepy beatbox boy didn't win. (I did hear somebody at "Avian Gay Bar" saying they'd love it if he lost, cause then they could go over and help him "Pack his sh*t".....yeah gross but couldn't help including that little morsel of fun.)

Maybe next year I'll try my hand at writing a song for that last awkward moment. Those songs always seem to be something like the following:

I am dreaming of a moment
Dreaming of a dream
And I am holding on to the feeling
The future holds more moments
My now is a moment of the future
(Insert something about a dream)
(Insert something about how great I feel)
(Insert something about being lifted up into my....)
Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeems! (always a swelling big note)
Cause this is my future!
(Something about struggling in the past)
(Something about thanking all those who helped me)
(something about letting go of the past)
I am living in my moment
Thank you for my Dreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam! (big finish and weep....kind of drop the mike a little like you are gonna collapse....there ya go....now be engulfed by the swelling group of rejected idols who know they are just another Justin Guarini fade away, maybe some have record deals, but all will go in opposite directions after these:)
MOMENTS...........(and the strings take us out)

Not one, not two, but 3 guys!

"My baby can beat up your baby!" This is a very creepy but hilarious idea: Take a clip from a talk show guest intro and slow it down just enough to make them sound like Satan's handmaiden.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Doll Hair

So..... I have this weird phrase that has been in my life for a while now: Doll Hair. Many co-workers and friends know exactly what i'm talking about when I say it, but for those of you not in the know, let me explain.

My hair grows fast, like so fast I should be getting a haircut every two to 3 weeks instead of the 6-8 weeks I usually wait. I usually begin to get the faint appearance of duck tail action in the back, with over-all uncontrollable puffiness on the top and sides. The texture of my hair begins to change with the length as well, giving me what I not so lovingly refer to as "Doll Hair." I coined this term the day I felt my hair, and realized it felt fake....and looked fake....like I was wearing a wig or maybe even a doll's hair. It has the same plastic clumpy feel when it gets this long... This term drives my Boss, a co-worker and possibly several friends crazy. They just don't get it, and for some reason find me reffering to my "Doll Hair" just grating.

Me: "God it's Doll Hair time again... it's time for a trip to Rudy's!"

Typical Response: "Jesus, what the hell does that even mean?! I don't get it...Doll Hair...you're a freak..."

This weekend before the Housewarming or maybe if I leave work early enough this week, the Doll Hair that is protruding from my skull will soon be on the floor, and my supple soft hair beneath will be unveiled. (But within a few weeks....even that soft happy hair will seccumb to the clutches of the Doll Hair!)

Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show

Today, this is kind of how I feel at work... I feel a little lost, a little afraid of those around me, and wanting to escape. Can you relate? Check out this bizarre but fun send-up of a fake asian public access show called "Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show." Imagine "Sabado Gigante" in Japan.

Meat IS Murder

But oh so tasty! A big "Happy" Birthday goes out to our man Morrissey Today! Everyone shed one tear, wear one more piece of black clothing, or just lay on the ground in a general malaise to celebrate the life of one of music's greats!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Get oooooooout!

I have had the frickin' theme music from this commercial in my head all day! Get it out God, please!

Passive Aggressive Much?

I used to always get these little weird notes from time to time on the fridge from roommates, and this wonderful site I just found (I know kids, sometimes it takes me a while to catch up...) posts images and transcriptions of reader submitted examples. Gotta love it when a roommate leaves a note on the toilet for you, that one is precious.


Friday, May 18, 2007

Like a chicken head

Parker Posey's best line in gregg araki's 1995 film "the doom generation":

Let's warm the house...

Well, it's time for that housewarming I was talkin' about! Anyone out there who knows me and wants to come, feel free to call or email me for address and directions.

The Ghost Theater

This movie trailer for the Korean film "The Ghost Theater" looked kinda scary, and potentially good......well until the song and dance numbers with that Rocky Horror rip-off started. Then I just knew it was destined to be a broadway musical within the year.... I smell a Tony award!

Poke the Bunny

Weird but kind of amazing game....keep it up till the surprise at the end.


UPDATE: OK, I can't stop with this bunny shit...I'm in a weird mood and just want to pet the bunnies hehehe Check out the hilarious and kinda creepy video below of a bunny jumping competetion and show. WTF wow....

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Once you go Black Beauty....

Am I the only one that missed this little gem from 2005 in my hometwon of Enumclaw WA?!! This isn't the first instance, or last, of beastiality in that town. I remember a specific incident that happened when a friend's cousin was caught with his pants down near some Pygmy Goats... Ahh the good ol' creepy days in Enumsnatch!


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Another day at Have A Tard...

It's days like this that drag on and on without an end in sight, that make me want to scratch my eyes out. The most exciting moments today included printing a bunch of stuff, researching a scene from a certain movie, hint: goes well with fava beans and a nice chianti.. and then spent half an hour basically choking on the over-syrupy juice from too many skittles in my mouth at once. Wow, I really hit the bigtime huh? I'm livin' the dream and making that amazing grad school degree work for me. I think its time to make some changes...it's time to get that portfolio up and in working order while I have access to all these printers, ink and paper, and then find myself the job I WANT.....you know, the job I spent so much time "mastering."

Last night there was a brief moment where this really hit me hard... I have more clarity now that I'm out of my old digs, and more self worth too. I think this year is gonna keep being one of much change in my life, but at this point, that can only be a good thing.

LOL cat

We all knew eventually i'd jump on the bandwagon and make my very own LOL cat... There ya go, whew...thank god that's over. Kinda geeky, and rippin off another internet phenomenon, but it works...

Rachel Ray Sux

Great little site I found that is an anti-fan club for Rachel Ray. I love their suggestion for her band name: REO Feedwagon!


Tuesday, May 15, 2007


I'd ask my good friend Rachel Ray over to my new place for dinner, but she seems a little pre-occupied....

Hell just got a little more crowded

I'll say he had some "Challenges" in the Heart dept.!

Score 1 for Tinky Winky!

Here's a lighthearted look back on the man through the eyes of "Family Guy":

Monday, May 14, 2007

Let the paint fly!

Well, we survived the weekend of painting from hell! The place looks fantastic, and special thanks go out to Opera Scott, and Landscaper Paul! You guys rocked our world by helping us all day Saturday. The living Room is a beautiful deep Terra Cotta color with a lighter burnt orange over the mantle and the Dining room and pantry are a warm golden tone we affectionately call Camel Toe. While we made a valiant effort on Sunday to make the pantry match our brilliant paint job out front, it looks like some kids tried very hard to paint their bedroom in an hour only to discover this shit is hard work and give up. Oh well, we'll have to do one more coat at some point down the line, but it coulda been worse.

I can't wait to show it to ya'll at the housewarming!

Friday, May 11, 2007

Fun photo Friday! #6

Yeah...um....bad dog?

Ok, this one just cracked me up...

Does anyone actually edit, or peruse these things before they publish them?....

She may be getting out early, but I'm guessing this is what she looks like right about......now. (Thanks to worth1000.com)

Now here's a great idea for our housewarming!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

A little update on Pride in Seattle...

Seattle hottie Egan Orion, is apparently the only bit of sanity that has been tossed into the mess that is preperations for Seattle's Pride Parade and Festivities. He has agreed to swoop in and save the day so people can get their over-priced beer and free samples of some new gay sunscreen after a nice stroll through downtown with a 6'4" drag queen.

Back in the day, when I was like 19, things were simpler: there was a parade, you went, then hit the park for some fun, a song, some speeches, some eye candy and the obligatory bag of crap like condoms, lube, flyers and magazines you'll never read. It was a simple idea, it was a simple day, and it was always kinda fun. The year before I left town, there began this strange dissent amongst the ranks in the gay ghetto.... it seemed there were suddenly two factions of people who wanted to take the reigns and manage the parade and festival. This seemed like a good thing to me at the time, a sign that people wanted the best parade, and cared so much that they were willing to fight over it. I was actually impressed with the "Community" for once, how wrong I was. The meetings and constant bickering eventually turned into outright hostility and bitching. It was a fight that was embarrassing and actually took time and energy and money (as the support dollars were now spread between two battling groups) away from the ultimate goal: Celebrating who we were, are and will be as a "Community" together. It was a very disappointing parade and festival quickly slapped together with no heart, and extra beer sponsor signs at every turn. It appears that this is still the case today... there are again two factions fighting over the parade and where it will be held. At least this year they've worked together enough to have their parades on seperate days and effectively ignore eachother.

Both sides pose an interesting agenda this year, breaking with the typical battle that's been waged for the past several years. The question this year raises is do the people of Seattle want their Gay Pride Parade nestled in the cute little gay ghetto of Capitol Hill, or Downtown in the heart of the city making a stronger statement that "here we are, and we will celebrate wherever and however we want." It's an interesting dilemma for me... If I still lived there it would be hard for me to decide which statement was more important, and frankly which version would be more fun. I have great memories from the times up on Capitol Hill and walking en masse to Volunteer park to sit in the sun and celebrate. I would be very interested to see how it would feel to be downtown for Pride. It would seem more akin to SF Pride which is in the heart of the city and for one day each year actually takes the boys and girls out of the Castro and drops them in the middle of it all. This could be a really good idea for Seattle's homos. The bars need not worry that they wouldn't rush back to the hill once night falls, we all know they'd be like moths to a flame.

Up until last Friday there was still no solution, so both sides are moving forward with their parades on their seperate days, but there still had remained the issue of festivities after the fact. In walked Egan Orion... (Did I mention he's cute? He's pictured above) The parade last year WAS held downtown to much success and popularity with the people of seattle, the only issue being a $100,000 left over debt to the Seattle Center after the festival and parade were finished. That debt nearly crippled the organization "Out and Proud." That debt is why there was, then was not, then was again, and not again plans for a Festival at the Seattle Center this year after the downtown march. Egan has taken it upon himself, along with a few cohorts, to plan and execute a smaller version of last years festival and thankfully give the people of seattle a place to march to. Egan has money, business experience, and promotion experience, showing that he is probably the safest and sanest person to be taking the wheel here. For example: It's never a happy idea when someone who works at a bookstore by day, tried to start a headshop one time...kinda, and knows how to throw a party at home thinks they can throw a big scale event like Pride. That of course is a gross over-generalization of those affiliated with the planning of Seattle Pride, but you get my point.

Thank you Egan, for lending some know how, some clarity, some dough, and some hottness to the mix. You may be the man that saved Pride for Seattle. Well, that is of course until next year when perhaps a thrid faction run by animals will want to take over the parade. Thanks also go out to the other faction: the Capitol Hill LGBT Community Center who are holding onto the past a little too hard, but their heart is in the right place. I'd go to your parade that Saturday if I was in town, but Sundays Parade might actually mean more when it comes to being "Out and Proud" ... oh wait that's actually the organization's name who's hosting that parade... see my point? Eventually you all need to decide whether you want to stay in that small corner where the people of Seattle will "let" you hold hands, or whether you want to bust out and make that city yours. The statement on that one day may actually have farther reaching effects than you know.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Just Unbelievable

There are just not words...I'vbe never seen anything like what went down last night. At the end of this video there is even an incredible look at a fire tornado.

Oh Snaggletooth....

Oh Kirsten.....um....what were you thinking leaving the house like this?

You're just a hop skip and a frump away from this:

And your face is lookin a little square.....kinda like this lil' gem:

Better luck next time, and remember: The mirror only shows what you tell it to....next time try dressing with the lights on... and always moisturize for those pesky bags!

The morning after

Los Angeles smells like char. Waking up this morning, ash had lightly covered my new neighborhood and car, the sky was very hazy with plumes still burning off in the distance, helicopters cut through the sky, and the smell of "campfire" lingered in the air. Poor Los Angeles... the beautiful park has been gutted by flames, but at least the major structures have survived. Thanks go out to all the people who aided the effort to save the park and surrounding homes.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Ok, now the part where I become kinda lazy...

Ok, so the big move is basically over. There is some light kitchen stuff to pick up at the old house, along with my computer and some quick cleaning left to do.... then I will never have to be there again. The move went pretty swimingly and the company I used: www.myamericanmovers.com were wonderful! When moving, I can easily suggest them to anyone. They were prompt (15 minutes early) didn't break anything, were quick, strong and relatively cheap. Great experience!

Now, the colors have been chosen for re-painting the livingroom, dining room and pantry, (A beautiful array of Terra Cottas and Camel Toes... Thanks Carlos for your help) and the big paint party will commence this Saturday. Next the rest of the boxes must be opened, trash must be taken out, the studio space and books must be shelved and arranged, and the plans for the big party must be solidified! We are thinking of having it Memorial Day Weekend on Saturday say between 4 and 9pm so those who have to work (our Bartender friends) can leave early, and those who want a quick bit o fun before going out can swing by and see the place. I'm very very excited to get this stuff done and share our great place with the world. I now need to just motivate myself to do it all and get my ass in gear!

More posts soon, after I get a little bit more done, some more motivation and some inspiration.... for now, enjoy the number "Lazy" from "There's no business like show business!" with Marilyn Monroe, Mitzi Gaynor and Donald O'Connor.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Here I sit in antici......pation

I boxed up the last of it merely minutes ago....and this feels so good, such a relief. The movers should be arriving in the next two hours to haul this shite for me to my new home. An all night packing fest seemed to do the trick, and there will really only be the kitchen stuff, and my computer to haul to Atwater. Why must I always procrastinate and pull miracles out of my ass. I amazingly enough got a good solid six hours of sleep last night, which refueled me for my 3 hour packing fest this morning. There is alot left to purge when I get there, as inevitably I ended up just tossing shit in boxes at the end without editing or thinking it through all that much. Tonight, I am so gonna hit "new local gay bar" for a drink with friends and finally celebrate escaping this god awful neighborhood.

For now, I'm gonna sit here and keep singin along to Lauryn Hill at the toip of my lungs and sneeze out all the dust I've inhaled over the last 14 hours...

Tomorrow.....I wake up....Home.

PS: Expect a blog post later about my viewing of the Spider-man 3 screening. All that work and long story short...it fell short..

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Sweet Jesus

Even ugly puppets can be Christians too... Yikes

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Sometimes my computer here at work pisses me off so much I want to just...well actually this muppet pretty much sums it up....