Friday, June 29, 2007

Bad News

We received some bad news today about my rommates' dog Shadow. He unfortunately has a bad case of cancer and will need to be put down next week. This one week vacation looks to be a tough one. It's amazing and a little strange that it is basically one year to the day we lost our friend David. I'm beginning to hate the 4th of July more and more every year. If you can, keep my roommates in your thoughts as we venture into a week where a breakdown or breakthrough could happen at any moment.

OMG my 200th post..... "These have always brought me luck!"

Since it is Friday and i'm in need of a bit of comic relief, I present to you two wonderful moments of "White Diamonds!"

The original commercial:

And Rachel dratch on "30 Rock" as Liz Taylor:

Thursday, June 28, 2007

"Dramatic Chipmunk" vs. the Staring Film Divas!

So by now everyone has most likely seen that really funny 10 second clip of the prairie dog turning dramatically toward the cameraon youtube with dramatic music underneath. So funny! Well here's a creative twist of that video.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

R.I.P. Liz Claiborne

I guess these guys will have to start shopping for another designer's clothes.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Anyone for a creepy Japanese show with mannequins?

Storytime again kiddies.....

Let me tell you a story kids, sit down on the tape circle, cross your legs and listen up... Once upon a time, way back when I was 6, there lived 2 little girls next door that my parents lovingly named "The Bare ass twins."

Heather and Andie lived next door to me for as long as I could remember. I think perhaps they moved in when I was like 3 or 4. Their father was a sour faced man with thick glasses who always wore brown polyester pants and spent most of his time swearing at them or making model cars and sniffing glue. Janet, their mother, was a very large woman and to this day reminds me of Divine with a bigger wig and an uglier mu-mu. She would often take me to lunch with them when we'd be playing together during Summer, which always consisted of a happy meal at Mc Donalds. These girls were the poster children of Mc Donals having every toy they offered and eating there for about 2 meals a day every day of their life. No matter how much Iloved Mc D's at that age, I did find it a little odd that they ate there so much.

Heather and Andie were both fun and tiring to me at the same time. They were just as rambunctious as all the boys in the hood, and had much stronger mouths.... "Fuck off Andie!" "You're a bitch Heather!" "Eat Shit you little bitch Andie!" To find the source of their creative word choices one only had to listen carefully every evening as their backyard, garage, or if the window were open, their house was flooded with curses and screaming. Such the peaceful life these girls had.

The nickname my parents gave to these poor little girls was based on the fact that their Mother would let them, if not encourage them, to run around the neighborhood nude. Some perv could have had his own creepy show if he strolled up Carolyn Way anytime during the daylight hours. Running through the sprinklers or chasing eachother in the streets, their penchant was for freedom of style... My parents eventually told me there was a new rule: No playing with the girls unless they had clothes on. Imagine trying to tell your friends "My mom says we can't play till you put some panties on...." It was an odd but colorful childhood I had, huh?

Off and on we would have to play inside as it got up in the hundreds during Summer in the Valley. One afternoon when I was about 5 or 6, we were inside watching the Wizard of Oz together at their place. This movie was of course a favorite of mine, and we all knew every word. Janet was wandering around in her wardrobe, which was a fairly usual occurence. With Janet, it was always cup of coffee, some pills from the table, a bit of yelling, then a nap in the bedroom as we were instructed to hush up. This specific day she even had some friends. They were hangin' out, drinking beers, chatting, unloading camera equipment and setting up light in Janet's bedroom. I don't remember thinking this situation was all that strange. Janet instructed us she was going into her bedroom to make a movie and she was at NO POINT to be disturbed! "What a bitch" I rememeber thinking and we went back to our movie.

Somewhere around the Tin Man's forest scene we got bored so a game of "Lava" was in order. We jumped from surface to surface until inevitably something broke or someone got hurt. Andie fell from the sofa, hit her head on the fireplace mantel and started to cry. I rmember Heather wiping off some blood with a towel and trying to shut her up so Janet wouldn't hear. Even though it was just a scratch, it was a bit more blood than it should have been and I knew this was kind of serious. I marched through the hall and knocked on the door. Janet appeared tying her robe, I remeber some guy's leg hanging out of the bed covers, and lots of cameras and lights around. She started to holler, and I could barely get out what had happened.... I started to cry and ran home.

My mother was used to the routine of "Janet made me cry" as she was good at screaming and swearing at anyones child. I explained it simply between sobs: "I was said don't talk to her in her room.... and her friends were there...." "Um...what friends?" my mother asked. "Her camera friends and they were making a mvie and Andie bumped her head and janet yelled at me cause I told her." "WHAT? Where were they making a movie, and of what?" "In her bedroom, she said don't bother her...." "Stay here!" my mom shouted. I heard our front door fly open and immediately my mother bellowed through the neighborhood: "Janet Charleton!"

The rest was a string of yelling back and forth. I knew something bad had just occured and that I most likely wasn't allowed over there anymore. Oh well, it smelled like cat piss over there anyways.

Monday, June 25, 2007

My new favorite music video!

Do people still make music videos?! Well, I found out today they do ya'll! So here is my new favorite inspiration/ brilliant music video for Feist's "The Reminder." This song and video completely remind me of my friend Anne (Aka Ghostie.) It was she who first introduced me to this artist, but now seeing a video by them, it makes even more sense to me.

Nippin' out!

Ok, so this is a very weird commercial for gum, but about halfway through I started to realize how practical these nips could be. I should just ask one of those over-tanned dudes at the bar, the ones who suction cup their titties to an within an inch of their life, if this is how they live....

The Dions of Grey Gardens after watching "Grey Gardens" this weekend, I couldn't resist sharing this after I found it.

Imagine if it was Celine Dion's family who lived there and not Jackie O's!

Aaaaaaaaa SHEEP!

So, I saw Black Sheep this weekend and it was really fun. It was exactly what I thought it would be, a fun, ridiculous story of people being attacked, eaten and infected by some messed up sheep. My friends Carlos and Mark came with me, and we all had a great time. The audience was small as this film has next to no publicity, which made it even more awkward when I couldn't contain it any longer and laughed heartily at a terrible trailer for a french film. When it first started I though it was a joke.... I actually expected someone to fall into a giant hole and maybe someone like Eddie Murphy in a fat suit to peer over the edge. I'm sure the film itself is ok, but something with the re-dubbed narrator is lost and makes this thing just a bit ridiculous.

Just so you can understand what I mean, here is that horribly bizarre trailer. I give you...the most Important story ever told! LADY CHATTERLY!

Friday, June 22, 2007

Ok, I'm getting a little Youtube happy today...

In honor of the biggest of Pride Weekends across the US this weekend, here's the hilarious trailer for "Can't Stop The Music" the village people movie. You gotta see it to believe it!

Truth in Advertising

Another old one, but really frickin'funny. Language NSFW....

Worst Movies Ever

Ok this one is old, but it's pretty great.

Tag- You're it!

Well, it happened....twice... I've been Blog Tagged by Kyle and "Beefy Cat Angus" to reveal 8 random facts about myself to you. So kiddies, strap yourself in (or something on) and away we go:

1. My first apartment in college was a real shithole. It was in the basement of this oversized, old, smelly building and had a steampipe running through it. Any given day my little studio apt. was 90 degrees. Next door lived a jovial punk chick with a pink mohawk. I would catch a glimpse of her hangin' out with her BF on the terrace (also known as smelly alleyway outside our windows) and they seemed like the perfect, Sid and Nancy lookalikes of the day. The music she played was all good, we seemed to have a similar taste for the most part, but when she and her BF had sex, they insisted on having against the wall set to any music by Blondie! This would be funny, except for the fatc that the wall was the same wall we shared, and exactly where the head of my bed was. To this day, I can't hear any Blondie song without imagining the wailing and banging behind it. The first day my mom came to see the place, she was scared enough but I have never rushed anyone out of there faster than when I heard "Heart of Glass" start up that day on the other side of the wall.

2. I raised 18 rabbits as a kid, and decided to capitalize on it by deeming my backyard "Bunny National Park." It was a 25 cent entrance fee for all visitors, I made bank!

3. I not only know all the words to "Groove is in the Heart" by Deee-Lite (kinda sad), but the Rap in the middle is my favorite thing to "drop" mofo!

4. My family has very few boundaries when we chat and this was best displayed last Christmas when my mother asked me what a "Rim Job" was. She had heard me say the term before in reference tothe name of a crappy night of strippers and booze I worked the door for at "Old Local Gay Bar." I explained what it meant and her response was: "Do you have to do that to get into the place?!"

5. I once shot a man just to watch him die..... no that's not true.... but I did sneak out while in Paris on a trip in High school and go to the gay bar "Club Boi."

6. Unless you have read this blog from the beginning, you probably don't know this: I got my lips caught in an electric door at Thrifty on Foothill Blvd when I was 6. Blood everywhere and several stitches later, my lips have never looked better or been more plump and kissable. (I was a weird child, don't ask how it happened.)

7. In Hawaii on a trip during childhood, I once ate half a box of Cookie Crunch Cereal when my parents were out an about, then vomited blood for half an hour. I'll never eat that cereal again and I don't remember telling them the whole throwing up blood part....I beleive I only said "Tummy Ache."

8. I hate most condiments besides Ketchup....but I always insist on the use of condoms and don't mind them... Be safe kids, don't leave your Mayonnaise out!'s the part where I'm supposed to tag a few people.....hmmm..... 8 is too many and most people I know that blog have already been tagged but I'll drop a select few names: Ernessa, Paul in Atlanta, and Daily Randi if she ever reads this trashy blog o' mine.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Whatever DID happen to "Baby Jessica?"

Ok, So this is pretty funny Jay....ya got me there!

Oh Look

While it is really good to see Axl Rose dating again, soes he have to date a vampire? Oh shit, that's the Olsen Twins?! bad.....

Here's to everbody else's Pride!

So my good friends over at "The Stranger" in Seattle, aka: My Hometown Rag, have created a clear, funny, concise history of the "Gay Community." And you thought it all started with Stonewall! I loved reading this today and while alot of it I knew, there were so many details that just never had been filled in... It was pretty amazing to read it all. So, before all you homos out there who's pride is this weekend or next, READ UP! Consider yourself informed. Find the article here:

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

68 days....jesus...time to get in gear!

So today I saw that there are only 68 days till Burning Man. This sent an "oh shit" chill down my spine, with the realization of just how much there is left to do before I go. I did book the mini-van for me and Mark this week, but there is always that creepy feeling when I book a rental car: "What if they say they don't have what I need that day of pick-up and try to substitute some crappy thing I can't use?!" I'm sure this is just frivolous worrying...

This weekend I need to do a shopping run to Homo Depot for some supplies. We are supplying our theme camp "Our Lady of Schlongs Meat Inspection" with two 9 foot tall phallus topiaries that will flank the entrance, and glow in the dark. (Oh the ways I put my over-priced degree to use, someday I'll use them in a career!) Now since the theme this year is "Green Man" it was only appropriate to have some green "member" action at our camp.

The next thing I need to do is deck out a cheapo bike I purchase.... perhaps that can happen this weekend too. So much to do so little time. It was wonderfully inspiring this past Sunday to watch "Burn Baby Burn" a great documentary on Burning Man. While watching, it made me feel really bad about my mediocre job and I just wanted to rush out of the house and create something. It was that itchy feeling you get when trapped in a position knowing you can't move, all over my body. It may have infiltrated my approach to this week, as I just am finding this workplace unbearable. At least I know it is only 68 days to freedom!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Maybe i'll buy this for myself!

"Get in Shape Girl!"

Oh my god, today is another day where the boredom has set in so strongly that I need to be anywhere but here. I am hating this job and at least it is starting to well up inside me and inspire some true motivation to do something new....better....closer to what I have a frickin degree in!

Naturally, these feelings make me think about death. Therefore today I spent a nice chunk looking into Spontaneous Combustion. I have always wondered if this was real and or possible, but I have concluded for myself......I'm so bored I need to believe in something so it is 100% real. I found some fun photoshop images, real photos from newspaper archives, picture stills from Films....all has been truly fascinating. One account had a woman burst into blue flames on a dance floor in the 30's and it made me laugh truly hard for the first time today.

Oh yeah, and I really need to see this hilarious film this weekend if I can find a damn place that is showing it. Anyone up for it? (I am working with a certain company that created it on "Have a tard" and it looks pretty over the top.)

Friday, June 15, 2007

fun Photo Friday! #7 I love Amy Sedaris!

How is it she is so damn good at looking so hideous! Love her!


Anyone remember the tv show in the 80's called "Riptide?" I used to watch it with my dad sometimes, and totally had the hots for Perry King. I was always a littlescared by the creepy ass face on their helicopter. Watch the tv intro here:

I'm a pirate!

Amazing video parody voice over of a Brenda Dickson video...hilarious!

"Remember, when you eat, you're just a vacuum with nipples!"

(Thanks to good friend Mark for the tip off)

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Critical Massholes?

Ok, so Critical Mass is one of those things that happen around the country and SF that I love......and well if I had to be anywhere at a specific time.....would hate. For those not very clued into this event, it is described as such in Wikipedia: "Critical Mass is an event typically held on the last Friday of every month in cities around the world where bicyclists and, less frequently, skateboarders, inline skaters, roller skaters and other self-propelled commuters take to the streets en masse. Critical Mass events have no official leader. Participants meet at a set location and time and travel as a group through city streets." It is pretty stunning to see the city shut down and brought to it's knees by commuters who aren't poluting, have a pretty good message for the most part, and those who dress up their bikes or selves are always fun in this parade of steel and flesh.

Now, while I kinda dig it, others openly despise it! They get very very pissed when these days hit, and some don't hold back. I'm usually not one for those who are outwardly bitchy, but this clip of a chick with crutches and a pretty good point: "Why is it okay for you to stop traffic and not me?" She blocks their way and the double armspread half way through is priceless! She has a pretty good point here....why are they so pissed? I'd just laugh and go around, maybe even give her a high five on her crutch nub. Perhaps the next step is a day when the people on crutches and wheelchairs take to the streets and shut this shit down! I love a creative use of frustration on those who are getting a little high and mighty in their newfound "power." Check it out:

The Body Groom

Ok, they finally took a good sense of humor toward their products over there at Norelco! Check out their site for their new product "The Body Groom" at It really is hilarious. (Thanks to Clawed for the tip-off on this one) As I'm a pretty fuzzy guy, I might just have to get myself one and let ya know how good it works.

What do you do when the Weinermobile is outside your work?

You take a picture with it!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

How long has it been?

I don't know why, but I was trying to remember today when the last time I made a paper bag puppet was..... I have no idea how frickin' long it has been. (And you thought this post was gonna be about sex! Naughty naughty you!) This topic then spread across the room and now we are thinking of perhaps having our very own paper bag puppet making competition. God I hope this doesn't spread as an idea as suddenly people are talking to eachother through their puppet "characters" turning the office into one really long, really bad, Fandango commercial.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

How Pride went

It was actually really great. I loved taking my friend's daughter (although it was quite an experiment in patience watching a teenager) and she seemed to have a great time as well. I saw good friends at the parade, and also at the festival, but ultimately it was just cool to see the amount of amazement and happiness in Anna's eyes. She really got the spirit of the day, and hell it also showed me just how much of a handfull she is going to be in the coming years. I'll post some pics when they get developed from her camera. It was odd to actually use a real camera and not the instant digital camera I'm so used to...

R.I.P. Mr. Wizard

Thanks for the years of science experiments, and endless wonder at what household products can do with a little ingenuity!

Starbucks names....

An old habit I had back in the day when ordering my coffee was to give them a fake name each time I showed up. I had forgottn how fun this could be. Today when in Starbucks, I surprised myself when the game came back like second nature. When asked for my name I blurted out "De Carlo" and added further explanation to the spacing and capitalization. I got no real quizzical look from the girl behind the counter but she did mention "that's an odd name..." I further explained how I was adopted by an Italian family, but really loved my family's ancestry. I of course added: I get asked about it alot.... she said "I know! you look more Irish than anything! More potatoes than pizza!" I kinda chuckled and delighted inside at this bizarre and not very plausible lie I had just accomplished. Perhaps next time I'll be from South Africa, one of those long held over groups of British colonialist families that finally took on the native language to name their young. Oh the possibilities!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Night of the Comet

Amazing 80's gem of a film. It has Zombies, a great shopping montage, Valley Girls, bitchy lines, and of course a coupla good slaps. Check this movie out if you haven't ever seen it. (Thanks to Mark for tipping me off to this one.) Here's a great clip from the beginning of the film...

Friday, June 08, 2007

Fun Photo Friday! #7 Here's a toast!

Ok, so to avoid any potential discussion of a certain heiress who shall remain nameless, I am giving you funny pictures of toast...

What my face looks like after eating really yummy toast!

The coolest toaster ever! If anyone is looking for a gift for my b-day ever, remember this lil gem!

Toast is pretty great when it's coming toward you, but it aint bad walkin' away either! Damn, that shit got some crumbs in the trunk! (ok, I've lost my mind....)


Thursday, June 07, 2007

Ok, now everyone have a great Pride weekend if your city is celebratin' it... Washington, LA and a few others are having their often tepid celebrations this weekend. I'm actually kind of excited for a change this time around as I'll be taking Anna, my friend Betty's daughter. She's a really cool kid, a little too clued into the adult world for her age at times, but still a great sweet soon to be woman. (They grow up fast don't they?) I had promised to take her to the parade this weekend ages ago, and I'm certainly interested to hear her take on it. I was so excited the first time I went to Pride, and it'll probably be good for these often jaded eyes to remember what that was like. For someone my age, I sure do feel ancient at times. I gotta change that.

The picture above makes me laugh and at the same time retch... That is a flamboyant, annoying, gay-ass dude in Japan who is a celebrity for being THAT gay and wearing THAT god awful get up all over the place. Imagine Paris Hilton, but not an heiress, less fashion sense (isn't saying much) and more pandering to the camera and that what this guy is like. I saw him appear on "the New Dotch Cooking Showdown" while watching with my roommate (I blogged a bit about it a while back) and I wanted to crawl into the tv and strangle him.

Anyways, Everyone get laid (safely), party (safely), and get home in one piece this lovely weekend. Pride can be a tough thing to muster when looking at any group of people nowadays, but I promise you all: I will find that sense of Pride so help me!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Buff Buffing away...

Ok, how gay is this? My co-worker, we'll call her "Blondie," brought in all the girls a present...and me.... it's a 4 part emory board for your nails complete with buffing and shining pads.... I kind of laughed at first thinking to myself: " might be able to use this whenever you make another model..." Then my nails called out to me: "Zack, please buff and shine me..." I decided why the heck not, all the while at my desk looking like some half-wit secretary scritch scratching away..... They now glow and are gorgeous....I kinda like it.

Monday, June 04, 2007


Been sick... I'll blog soon. =)