Let me tell you a story kids, sit down on the tape circle, cross your legs and listen up... Once upon a time, way back when I was 6, there lived 2 little girls next door that my parents lovingly named "The Bare ass twins."
Heather and Andie lived next door to me for as long as I could remember. I think perhaps they moved in when I was like 3 or 4. Their father was a sour faced man with thick glasses who always wore brown polyester pants and spent most of his time swearing at them or making model cars and sniffing glue. Janet, their mother, was a very large woman and to this day reminds me of Divine with a bigger wig and an uglier mu-mu. She would often take me to lunch with them when we'd be playing together during Summer, which always consisted of a happy meal at Mc Donalds. These girls were the poster children of Mc Donals having every toy they offered and eating there for about 2 meals a day every day of their life. No matter how much Iloved Mc D's at that age, I did find it a little odd that they ate there so much.
Heather and Andie were both fun and tiring to me at the same time. They were just as rambunctious as all the boys in the hood, and had much stronger mouths.... "Fuck off Andie!" "You're a bitch Heather!" "Eat Shit you little bitch Andie!" To find the source of their creative word choices one only had to listen carefully every evening as their backyard, garage, or if the window were open, their house was flooded with curses and screaming. Such the peaceful life these girls had.
The nickname my parents gave to these poor little girls was based on the fact that their Mother would let them, if not encourage them, to run around the neighborhood nude. Some perv could have had his own creepy show if he strolled up Carolyn Way anytime during the daylight hours. Running through the sprinklers or chasing eachother in the streets, their penchant was for freedom of style... My parents eventually told me there was a new rule: No playing with the girls unless they had clothes on. Imagine trying to tell your friends "My mom says we can't play till you put some panties on...." It was an odd but colorful childhood I had, huh?
Off and on we would have to play inside as it got up in the hundreds during Summer in the Valley. One afternoon when I was about 5 or 6, we were inside watching the Wizard of Oz together at their place. This movie was of course a favorite of mine, and we all knew every word. Janet was wandering around in her wardrobe, which was a fairly usual occurence. With Janet, it was always cup of coffee, some pills from the table, a bit of yelling, then a nap in the bedroom as we were instructed to hush up. This specific day she even had some friends. They were hangin' out, drinking beers, chatting, unloading camera equipment and setting up light in Janet's bedroom. I don't remember thinking this situation was all that strange. Janet instructed us she was going into her bedroom to make a movie and she was at NO POINT to be disturbed! "What a bitch" I rememeber thinking and we went back to our movie.
Somewhere around the Tin Man's forest scene we got bored so a game of "Lava" was in order. We jumped from surface to surface until inevitably something broke or someone got hurt. Andie fell from the sofa, hit her head on the fireplace mantel and started to cry. I rmember Heather wiping off some blood with a towel and trying to shut her up so Janet wouldn't hear. Even though it was just a scratch, it was a bit more blood than it should have been and I knew this was kind of serious. I marched through the hall and knocked on the door. Janet appeared tying her robe, I remeber some guy's leg hanging out of the bed covers, and lots of cameras and lights around. She started to holler, and I could barely get out what had happened.... I started to cry and ran home.
My mother was used to the routine of "Janet made me cry" as she was good at screaming and swearing at anyones child. I explained it simply between sobs: "I was watching...the....movie....and....Janet said don't talk to her in her room.... and her friends were there...." "Um...what friends?" my mother asked. "Her camera friends and they were making a mvie and Andie bumped her head and janet yelled at me cause I told her." "WHAT? Where were they making a movie, and of what?" "In her bedroom, she said don't bother her...." "Stay here!" my mom shouted. I heard our front door fly open and immediately my mother bellowed through the neighborhood: "Janet Charleton!"
The rest was a string of yelling back and forth. I knew something bad had just occured and that I most likely wasn't allowed over there anymore. Oh well, it smelled like cat piss over there anyways.
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