Thursday, March 29, 2007

Is it weird?

That there is some guy who has been sitting in the corner of the office for two days, on a laptop, in a lobby chair, with no-one talking to him or paying any attention.... And I have kept myself this whole time from asking who he is or what he does? Normally, being a very inquisitive person, I want to, but we here in our small area have made it a game to try to avoid learning his real purpose here. Working on a film with so many people, it's not that odd to not know all your co-workers, but this is just hilarious. I wonder if he'll be here tomorrow... I did hear him mutter into a phone about a timecard... Ah the stupid mystery!

UPDATE: The mystery was ruined when someone broke and asked him who he was.... Turns out he is one of the famous people's Driver. Wish I could tell you something more fun and mysterious.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


You sad poor little creature... God you're like a lame puppy with a nail in it's head, I want to just crush you with a rock and stop your pain.

Ok, down to business. The hair is all anyone can talk about since we obviously can't talk about the singin'! Alright, I thought you were just listening a little too hard to the sad Beautyschool Dropout stylists that work for "Idol" but now I'm thinking you are just a crazy bitch with a comb. I love the sense of "nothing to lose, so I'll be a total freak thing" you have going, but maybe you could direct it to taking vocal chances? Maybe push yourself there? The hair this week is just fuckin' crazy.... take a look at yourself babe:

What you need to do is put down the goddamned comb and pick up the scissors.... now trim...keep don't stop there...... a little more please....ok now your wrists sweetie... (ok, that was a tad harsh...just cut your inner thigh like all the other girls your age are doing.) Now take a lesson babe, if you're gonna go wild you have to have a good source. I know you were inspired by the crazy drummer of no doubt's hair, but he's cute Sanjy.... He's a wild guy who can pull it off. You shoulda gone for the rocker look, or actually trimmed the shit to resemble Gracey here:

Now I found a picture in your stylist's notebook when she wasn't looking... If you have any self respect: Kill her! Stab the bitch with those scissors I had you pick up, and run away... Otherwise you'll be lookin' like this next week:

Cat Head Theatre

Um... Furry Shakespeare

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

100 posts strong, and something a little more real.

Ok, so I started this post a few days ago and haven't really had the heart or mood to finish it, so here it is...It was basically going to be 100th post, now it's my 102nd.

Moments that changed my life: The Challenger Disaster

I was a pretty smart young kid, and had never had a problem understanding ideas like "love" or "hurt," but Death hadn't really ever hit home with me. I didn't get the finality of it. Everything was possible, how could the person you just met one day go away forever the next?

My Teacher, knew the woman who was travelling into space. To describe just how cool that is is next to impossible. My Teacher was friends with the teacher who had grabbed America's heart, and inspired us as students. In my mind, it was like she knew God, or the guy who invented sugary treats!

In preperation, we had studied the space program, fuel cells, thrusters, and even got into a bit of the science behind jet fuel propulsion... it was Montessori after-all. The big tv on the black metal cart was pulled out in every classroom... it was THE TV event! I had waited for weeks to see this moment. My heart raced, my hands sweated, and I imagined myself in there, flying into outer space... and that woman who was in there, was going to come meet with us in a few months after she returned!

....then it happened. It was all a flash...a blur.... and for once in my life, I didn't comprehend.... it had to be a joke... that was all a test right, now they'll really leave. Then from behind me I heard a gasp I'll never forget. My teacher covered her mouth and gathered herself... and asked us all to move into the other room. The tv was shut off, we moved away, the other teachers took over, and all that could be heard were children asking, and even pleading for answers. All I heard was quiet sobs from the room next door. Her quiet strength has stayed with me to this day. I can't imagine what It would have been like had she lost it in front of us all. That day I understood death. I went in leter and asked, why... And for once, an adult didn't sugarcoat it... "I don't know. Things just come to an end sometimes. I'm just as lost as you..." "That's scary" I beleive I said. "I'm a little scaed too..."

This was the first time I had the guts to go back and watch this, but it's pretty amazing... and sad

Blind Date... crackwhore style!

Thanks to Alex for the tip off on this one.

PS:the first one to fall asleep at the Pajama Party ends up dressed and photographed as a Harajuku girl. Guess you'll learn eventually...

Friday, March 23, 2007

Roof Sex

Fun little short film...ah TGIF! Not to Worry! Not nearly as naughty as you are thinking...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Oh to be a musical slave!

Ok, did anyone else watch "Kidd Video" Back in the day? I loved this show... as retarded as the show was, I think I kinda had a crush on the skinny blonde kid... or maybe I just wanted some awesome leg warmers like that damn fairy!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Salton Sea

So every now and then my sister and I like to run off to the Desert together for a weekend away. We have done it several times over the last few years, and typically stay within the Palm Springs area. Two years ago she had an itch to explore a very desolate but fascinating area just south east of Palm Springs known as the Salton Sea. We have both been very into a local band known as "Throwrag" that say they hail from the Salton Sea, so we were enticed, and wondered if the music fit the world that had been described by many an online search and article.
When planning our adventure, we stopped off at the Palm Spring visitor's center and asked about the area as well as how to best get there.... "Why the heck would you want to go there?" we were asked with exasperation. The poor old lady didn't seem to understand that we were curious young beings with cameras and an apetite for the dark, dirty twinge of the place. It was an amazing trip, and I have some really cool photos I'll share soon. For now check out this documentary that is coming out in May about the place, and is narrated by John Waters... How fitting!

RIP Larry Bud Melman

Ok so his name is really Calvert DeForest, and he was a hilarious sidekick/correspondent over many years for David Letterman. I remember my mom letting me stay up every now and then and watch the show, and my mom always laughed hardest when this guy was on the screen. Some great moments ya brought to us old pal! Here's to you. (There's a few videos on you can find, hopefully they'll add more... he's just great)


Apparently this is an ad for some sort of Cod Roe....called Tarako.... um but it looks like some sick twisted version of Annie, blended with Katamari Damacy, and that Herpes character you see on posters and walking around WEHO. Be scared, this might just get stuck in your head, but if you make it all the way to the part with the creepy cupie dolls then you'll be mesmerized!

The best Parody of our stupid war...EVER

Ok Mad TV, you still rock...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


Finally, my friend Mark has shared with the world one of the best examples of bad acting out there. Take a gander at this wonderful footage from the movie "Pieces." I just had to post this one here. Check out his other vids on youtube.


Monday, March 19, 2007

Anna, Anna, Anna Nicole... She's Glitterageous...

Anna Nicole as the creepy sad clown in glitter.... thank you Boing Boing

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Et tu Zacki?!

Ok so sometimes when you type in a simple topic on youtube, you end up striking some sick kind of gold....

And now... a couple of freaks doing an English class project video... Julius Ceasar

Beware the Ides of March

A brief definition from Wikipedia:

"Caesar summoned the Senate to meet in the Pompey's Theater on the Ides of March, 44 BC for the purpose of reading a petition, written by the senators, asking him to hand power back to the Senate. According to the Greek biographer Plutarch, a few days before, the soothsayer Titus Vestricius Spurinna apparently warned Caesar, "Beware the Ides of March." Caesar disregarded the warning:
"The following story, too, is told by many. A certain seer warned Caesar to be on his guard against a great peril on the day of the month of March which the Romans call the Ides; and when the day had come and Caesar was on his way to the senate-house, he greeted the seer with a jest and said: "Well, the Ides of March are come," and the seer said to him softly: "Ay, they are come, but they are not gone." [2]
As the Senate convened, Caesar was attacked and stabbed to death by a group of senators who called themselves the Liberatores ("Liberators"); they justified their action on the grounds that they committed tyrannicide, not murder, and were preserving the Republic from Caesar's alleged monarchical ambitions."

So in a bizarre drunken discussion a few months back, a few friends and I decided to have a gathering of sorts on the Ides of March. It seemed as good as any other day back in January. Tonight we will have our own "Salon." A few close friends will gather and share an artistic piece of themselves with the group. This can be anything from a poem, to video art, to a poem... No holds barred... The intent is to stand up and share, allowing each of us to maybe get to know each other better, as well as a fun excuse to hang out and do something artistic together. You must simply share something you have created, and maybe even something that has inspired you. Think of this as our pre-burningman, artistic dip in the pool.
As new agey as it sounds: perhaps this will empower us to overthrow our own personal dictator we have inside, and be a little more open and free with our artistic selves. Et tu Zacki?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

An open message for Sanjaya

Blogging about American idol... How original huh? But I just had to purge my mind of what's been flowing through it all day....

Sanajaya! WTF!

OK... the hair dawg...let's discuss the hair...

While the curls were well placed when you first began to yelp, I mean sing... By the end of the frickin' song it was as if your head had expanded to seven times its size. Your hair resembled many a famous hair-dont:

-Shirley Temple
-Curly Sue
-Early Paula Abdul
-Whitney pre-crack (amazingly enough)
-Marissa Winokur
-A pile of seaweed floating in sewage
-Don King

Whatever, you get the point. Listen babe, as much as I agree with Diana Ross that you have a sweet heart, this is a fucking singing competition. When are you gonna start singing? Every week when you take the stage, I feel like i'm trapped at some old couple's home who adopted some Indian boy who they think sings like a songbird. "Sanjaya, sing for the man... oh he has such an angelic voice, you'll see. Isn't it heavenly.... oooo and Sanjaya do that little funky dance you do too... I tell you he's such a triple threat! He's gonna be a star someday!" If only the bitch had a battery in that hearing aid.

You poor boy... how cruel to have put you through even the first round only to rip out your heart through your mouth next week when your sweetness finally wears off for people, and all those girls start to think they might be a lesbian if they vote for you one more time.

My Advice: get out while you still have some of your dig... oh wait...nevermind too late.


"Jumbo's Clone Room" got shut down last night for fire-code violation... No surprise there.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Goddess Kring...

Ok, so there used to be, and possibly still is, a show on Public Access in Seattle by this crazy chick calling herself "Goddess Kring." Imagine the bizarre moment when said crazy chick walks into your life drawing class as a model... You were freaked out before, but now she's staring into your eyes... Scaaaaaaary...

Bitch, you stole her outfit!

J-Lo! Bad girl! (He rubs her nose in it...) You shouldn't try to recreate an outfit that was used as a joke on Mad TV! Alex Borstein makes a much more convincing Bjork than you do.....

And the award for most kickass response goes to....

Mark: "I'll be there, with some boonsfarm, a wadded kleenex and a playgirl magazine." Just brilliant, and it made me laugh out loud for the first time in 24 hours.

The Golden Age is over...

Alas and alack, the Golden age of "Local gay bar" has come to an end. It's been a long time coming, but it's fate now rests in the hands of 2 coked out freaks that want to bring in strippers 7 nights a week. The heart and soul that rested in the hands of the 2 good guys who managed the place, has left the building. And proudly they left with a mighty "Fuck you!" I'm hoping "pocket daddy" and friend find more work soon, maybe even in a field far different from that of the bar scene. It might be better for them in the long run. As I couldn't make a meeting that was scheduled, I have been summarily let go along with a handful of others.... no harm no foul.... I would have left the following week anyhow, without the support of the close friends/family I had made working there in the past 3 years.

While I'm a bit sad to not be workin' that door anymore, I'm releived. I will finally have my weekends back to myself. I feel free.... It's strange, but it's so good. I will miss the crazy stories and fun that ensued workin' with those guys and gals. I'll miss some of the bitchy fodder we hurled back and forth, but that can all take place over cocktails as patrons now.

We'll miss you "local gay bar" for now I dub thee: "Jumbo's Clone Room."

Monday, March 12, 2007

Um....does the bitch own a mirror?

Ok, these bitches need a stylist ASAP! It's like they don't even notice what they look like!!!

She looks like the following 2 had a baby, and when Axl Rose looks like a hottie compared to you, ya got some issues...


Wow! Lung Cancer and a Jazz Band?! I'm so there!

I kinda want a cigarette right now...

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I Hate your kid...

Here is a transcript of an amazing DVD review from my old town paper "The Stranger."

Kiddie Integrity

"Seriously, I hate your kid.

I don't know what these modern children watch (Laguna Beach? To Catch a Predator?), but back in my day, Nickelodeon's golden years, it was all Hey Dude all the time. The half-hour sitcom follows the antics of a bunch of cowboy teens working on the Bar None Dude Ranch. There's prissy Brad, hot Ted, nice Melody, Danny the Indian, and a few others, and they got in and out of trouble for 65 weeks from 1989 to 1991 (available now on shady, probably pirated DVD).

Hey Dude is mostly comedy, with a totally satisfying love triangle, and a healthy dose of drama (sometimes a horse will die, or Danny will have to choose between his job and his spiritual Indian ways). The Bar None is owned by one Mr. Ernst, a bumbling ex-accountant from New Jersey with Wild West delusions. Many of the episodes have to do with Mr. Ernst's heee-larious publicity schemes, like turning Arizona into a giant lawn with Ernst's Miracle Desert Sod. Or selling Bar None bowler hats. Or wrestling Captain Lou Albano.

One of my favorite things about Hey Dude (besides Captain Lou) is all the excellent fuss made over Danny's Hopi heritage. For example, when the ranch's well dries up, Ted suggests, "You can do a Rain Dance! You're an Indian! It's natural for you!" Aaaaaaawkward! Another time, an evil archaeologist discovers an "ancient Indian burial ground," and Danny totally steals the bones of his ancestors and re-buries them. Righteous! And did you know that you can get an Indian to do what you want if you trick him into thinking the Great Spirits are angry? Fact!

I was planning to just make fun of Hey Dude—how the point of the show is mostly to find different reasons for Mr. Ernst to fall in the water trough (not totally untrue: I've been keeping a water-trough tally, and it's in the 20s). But you know what? I sincerely, warmly, un-ironically love Hey Dude. And as I was watching it, I started to realize all the ways it changed me. I learned not to leave my friend blindfolded with a broken compass near an abandoned mineshaft in the desert. I learned that if you tickle a girl, she will tell you her best friend's most embarrassing secret. I learned that Indians are hella wise. I learned a lot about the comedic potential of amnesia.

But in all seriousness, when I really think about it, I learned that lying will ruin everything; girls can pay the check and boys can clear the table; sometimes mean people are just sad; and that you have to honor your responsibilities, even if it means leaving the totally fun ranch where all your friends work and going back to summer school. And maybe I'm still kind of a judgmental, irresponsible liar, but at least I'm not some entitled, half-naked, dead-inside Laguna Beach asshole, like your kids are going to be. Seriously, put Hey Dude on now. Maybe there's still time."

I'm so running out and buying this...the reminiscing sickness of it all will be well worth it!

Seattle=Passive Aggressive

And sometimes they just tell it like it is....

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

East Side Story...

The Bellevue Squares vs. The Factoria Trash! Sorry, I couldn't resist putting this one on here... one of the funniest skits they did on "Almost Live" in Seattle.

Lynwood Beauty Academy

For those of you here in LA, you may not find it nearly as funny as a Seattlite would, but if you think of it more in the realm of say women from Fresno, or Solvang, or maybe Saugus.... then you'll completely understand!

Missing the fun of the past...

I would so rather be here, than at work today:Hinsight is always more glamorous of course...

Friday, March 02, 2007

Notice a similarity?

The Olsen twins are well on their way to looking like her....

Am I wrong?

Funniest thing I've read all day....

"And she shall come down from Mexia, bedding men of all ages; and she shall plug diet pills; and she shall lose one child and birth another, immaculately; and a former Guns n' Roses guitarist shall see her into Heaven." Trimspa 6:18