Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry X-mas...

May this warm the creepy cockles of your hearts as it has mine... Wave hello Corky!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I Humped your.....

http://www.ihumpedyourhummer.com

I love it. I kinda hope sometime soon I'll be walking down the street or driving by and see one of these videos being made. Your homework if you so choose, is to add a video of your own. My friends here in Cali will have a much easier time finding their rape victim.

Monday, December 18, 2006

It puts the lotion on it's skin...



A great video and song tribute by the "Greenskeepers."

Your Monday Morning Movie Musical Parody!



Even a little dog can steal Beyonce's thunder!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Workin' the door... again

I'm off to "local Gay Bar" in about 3 hours... I must say I can't frickin' wait. It really is my non-job job... Too fun and easy to pass up, as well as blending nicely with the rest of the workweek so I still feel like I get a weekend. (Drop by boys and girls, I'm gonna wear my spikey santa hat for some good ol' fashioned alterna-cheer... I know its tacky.) I'm excited to get a break from my other job: "Hate Hatey." This has been too long a week. First thing when I get to job #2 will be to get myself a drink.. and then perhaps another. I may as well while the job still exists. We'll see how the end of the year goes and if local gay bar is still a friendly place to work.

I need to get my ass outta bed tomorrow and finish some damn christmas shopping! I was so gung-ho a couple of posts ago about the holidays, but now all I want to do is crawl under those covers and finally get some rest. The end of the year is just exhausting. I'm excited to go home to Seattle though. (Sidenote: I'm a little sad the trees are back up at sea-tac airport as I wanted to get a chance to do or say something bitchy when I walked through.) It'll be great to see my parents. This year has been a really rough one for me and for the first time in a while I've found myself repeatedly thinking or saying I want my mommy.

Well, before I get out my credit card: any of you bitches want something special in your stocking/ stalking, you better speak up or forever hold your peace/ piece!

Fun photo Friday! #5 Show me your Clause

Ok, I know too much Santa as of late, but I couldn't help but throw on some old greats and some new humorous takes on the old fat man...


Not Santa, but someone is spreading the season's cheer!



Thursday, December 14, 2006

Stevie Nicks' Fajita Roundup!



The. Funniest.

Hungry Jackie! Kill! Kill!

In Seattle, there exists a strange creature by the name Jackie Hell. I've been waiting a while to find a good video to share her with you all, here it is... Thanks to Mark for the tip off, and to his friend Jason who made it!



Gotta love a good drag queen art film.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A bad day to be a whore near London...

So much happens around the holidays. It's amazing how many news stories get blown out of proportion, or plaster the screen on every channel to capture the attention of busy, overworked Americans. The news has never necessarily been a fuzzy cuddly thing to sit down and watch. I remember horrific images splashed across the screen as a kid, watching the news before dinner with Dad. As of late, there are a few stories that have caught my attention.

1st: "Tis not the season at Sea-Tac Airport" Apparently the war on christmas continued in Seattle this week. In an attempt at an "all inclusive" holiday display, a local Rabbi in Seattle petitioned for a menorrah to be added to the displays at the airport. What started as a good natured petition quickly accellerated into a full on war over words and intentions. The Rabbi went from asking, to demanding with his filing of a lawsuit if the airport would not let him put up a large lit mennorah. In a very Seattle way of handling things, the airport decided to take down all decorations to avoid any suit, and rethink the display for next year. Gotta love the rage this caused in not only the community, but all over the country. Suddenly the Rabbi looked like a crybaby, and the airport looked like the Grinch. Only in Seattle would this sort of story turn into a passive aggressive finger point fest! After much bickering back and forth over who was "doing the right thing" and who wasn't at fault, the suit was dropped and the trees are being put back up. I kinda wish they had kept them down and then perhaps a large christmas decoration "sit in" would have happened! oooo, or Maybe people will secretly stash mennorahs all over the place now that the trees are back up! I may have to carry a mennorah to hide when I go home for Christmas!

Here's a photo of the lonely lobby:


2nd: A woman actuallyput her baby in the microwave.... sick sick bitch. May she get the same treatment!


Now that that anger is out, let's all take a break and laugh: http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=666e6d17f370d90eac0a8ef_20061207

3rd: There is a new "jack the ripper" type killer on the loose near London. He appears to be targeting prostitutes, but I know I wouldn't want to be outside alone if I were any female with that shit going on. I always find the killing of a prostitute somehow sadder than just some person... I don't know, maybe it's the idea that these people have reached a place in their life where they have to sell their bodies and they already have given up so much in life. The idea that these downtrodden souls are being killed just because they appear expendable is really frickin' creepy and sad. (Maybe I'm just being fed too mucch hooplah and hootenanny about the poor whores of the world, so I'd love to hearsome good ol' fashioned devils advocate here. "I'm a whore and I'm incorporated, have a big house, health insurance, I am even on the PTA.") Next time you see one, give a whore a hug. (They might just charge you though.)

Monday, December 11, 2006

Friday, December 08, 2006

Fun photo Friday! #4 Clause-trophobia

Scared of Santa?



This fun photo Friday is brought to you by: http://www.southflorida.com/events/sfl-scaredsanta,0,2245506.photogallery?index=1

Truth in advertising...

I had my car washed about a week ago and had purchased a small air freshener to replace the one I currently have. I usually go for the "coconut" or "new car smell" varieties as they seem to jive with the California driving adventures I have. The air freshener I had purchased is a small wooden surfboard that I had assumed was coconut, just like last time, but alas it said ck one on the package when I opened it. The fact that my car was about to smell like ck one wasn't really an issue last night, I have fond memories of that cologne craze. I remembered getting some in my stocking one year, allowing me to smell just like every other boy and girl at school. In case you don't know, It was like a massive fog of ck rolling through the halls in the 90's for those of us fortunate enough to be in school during the "Fresh Prince" years.

This morning, I opened my car door and almost retched. My car smells like a fucking urinal cake. Ladies, you may not know what that smells like, so imagine the sweet smell of chemical burn, windex, and urine. I thought for a split second that maybe it would calm down in a few days and actually resemble ck one. (I'm sure some of you out there are thinking: "ck one DOES smell like a urinal cake, why didn't he go back and get the coconut?".... you may be right.) After about a mile on my way to work, with the windows open in what we consider frigid cold (60 degrees), I ripped the damn thing off my rear view and hucked it into the street. Perhaps next time I won't aim for oncoming traffic and nail the side window of a Jetta, but it really did feel great. The smell hadn't fully faded by the time I got in to work, so tonight will be the test to see how much has baked into my car permanently...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Find the Posey!

Find the hidden, very young Parker Posey in this 1985 (very creepy) Subway ad!

Joy to the world, I can't feel my arms!

So it's Thursday and postings have been a tad sparse this week, but I'm mainly just trying to survive the week. Last night a few friends and I had a mini bitch session party with pizza! We got to catch up on how bad eachother's lives are going, how much we hate or don't hate our jobs... It was just what the doctor ordered. It's funny how sometimes I forget how much fun "girl's night" can be. I hang around with so many MOs at "local gay bar" that I don't realize how much I miss hangin' with the chicks. My posse used to be full of awesome females... It was the gay boys who were fairly sparse in my life. Hell I had never had a group of gay male friends 'till about grad school. It was nice to settle in, have a glass o' wine and just listen to the bitching commence. I think we all needed to vent a bit. (PS: "Ghostie" I love your place and your really cute animals.)

Other things of note this week, a new Friday event at "local gay bar" is starting at the end of the year by an infamous LA gay promoter... AKA: Zack may be out of a job on Fridays and now needs to consider taking back Saturdays..... Is that worth it? How badly do I need this second job? Stay tuned to find out... Even if the position is still mine on Friday, I'm not sure I want to work there with the crowd THAT promoter's events bring in. If Tuesdays crowd is any idication of the horror to come, forget it!

Let's see...what else..... OH! I missed my mom's B-day by one day. I have never felt that spacey and awful before. I can tell I totally disappointed her. I had every intention to call on Monday night and wish her a happy b-day, and instead discovered it was on Sunday and I had missed it. What an ass I am... I'm sorry again Mom, I can't say it enough. I kept having flashbacks to "Sixteen Candles" while talking to her. Oh how Sam must have felt!

I'm finally gearing up for Christmas... Most of you who know me, understand that I want nothing to do with the holiday until December has finally arrived. I am the guy who says things like "Jesus, soon Christmas is gonna start in July!" "Look at all this tacky crap they've already slung everywhere and Halloween only ended yesterday!" This bitching and moaning ends abruptly and I begin to embrace it all, right around now.

Yesterday, I was flipping through the Seattle Men's Chorus mailer magazine, and couldn't help but reminisce. (Alright bitches, don't judge me... I used to be in the Seattle Men's Chorus, and I liked it... alot.) Every Christmas the chorus does a huge holiday concert at Benaroya Hall in Seattle. It was so exciting and such an honor to stand up on that stage with them. I've been back a few times and seen them perform, it's always so good. One Christmas season when I was a Sophomore in undergrad, I made a bad judgement call. I was living at the time in a large 4 story house on 12th ave. and every now and then would smoke up a little with my roommate, we'll call her "Hippie." Hippie had a new dealer, apparently, and forgot to tell Zack about the new weed experiment he was about to undergo. Two long tokes off a Jerry Garcia head pipe, and Zack was getting too high too quickly. I went to my room, shut the door and prayed when I woke up all would be fine. Finals were over, and all I had to do was get through the next day of parties and meet and greets with teachers and visitors. I woke up and everything seemed to be in stop animation, both visually and skin sensations. I. Was. Freaking. Out! I think my Teacher knew I was on something when she said hello and I lept back and slammed my back into a locker. I still had three more concerts with the chorus to get through (one of which my family would be attending) and all sorts of x-mas shopping to do. I remember moments where I was trying to pull money out of my pocket to pay for stuff and it felt like I was digging into a can of live worms. I must have looked so scared.

That Friday night, I went to perform with the chorus unsure of whether or not I could get through it. One of the Upper Baritones, and a friend of mine took one look at me and knew something was up. He was a doctor, so I told him everything hoping I wouldn't be stuck like this forever. He talked me down out of my freak out and said that the pot was most likely laced with something, possibly pcp. These effect would only last as long as it was in my system and my body had probably had an allergic reaction to it. He was so nice... He helped me get into my tux, which is a hard feat to accomplish when everything you touch seems to be in stop animation too. I stood on stage and sang, and survived. I saw my family briefly telling them I didn't feel too well, and would see them the next week for Christmas. I discovered that shopping for family while still drugged out from some strange pot you smoked with a roommate produces humorous results. I bought dad a huge thing of popcorn kernels, mom got a crappy blowdryer, sis got a weird christmas cd, and for some reason the cat got a huge stocking. I relaized when they were tearing into the packaging, I had no idea what was inside. Yay, Christmas!

Memo to me: never smoke up with that Hippie or any other again!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Hide Your Children!

I know the trailer remixes are getting a little old, but this one at least made me laugh, which none have done since "Shining."
And now....Mary Poppins re-mixed.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Your Monday Morning Mullet!



Everybody loves that freaky lookin' Jane Child! Makes me want to throw on a leather jacket and stroll the streets!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

That's a saturn?



The Saturn commercial I worked on this year....
I know, how exciting....

Friday, December 01, 2006

Fun photo Friday! #3


Yikes....


awww....the baby is so cute, and yummy...


Thanks Angie for turning me on......to this great needlepoint!


And here's a taco for ya!