Sunday, August 26, 2007

Namaste Bitches!

Ok, so the past two days have been a whirlwind of activity here in my house and in my mind. I am packed, the 8 foot tall penis cacti are disassembled and stuffed into the van, I am just so very ready to go....I even lost my ticket about an hour ago, then found it...thanks to my roommates who helped me decimate the house! I am primed for a good time and am off to bed. Catch you all in just over a week when boy will I have stories to tell and pictures to share. I'm off to Burning Man!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Choking on a beautifully sung sandwich...

Oh gotta love Chris Farley as Mamma Cass!

On work and frustration.

Well, my issues with this horrible job on "Have a tard" seem to be dimishing with every passing hour. I live more comfortably knowing that this weekend I will be leaving on my grand excursion and that my days here upon my return are numbered. Thank god that this experience will be over soon, I really hate this place. Yesterday I started to actually get giddy at the idea of having a break from the dank corners of this glorified wharehouse in Playa Vista. Over-all: General career malaise.

It has been 3 years since I moved to LA and started working in "the Biz" and I can't say I've made it all that far. I know, I tend to be an impatiant person and my close friends have heard me bitch about my work issues at length. If that describes any of you, feel free to scroll down further and escape this tirade. I just wish there was a faster way to get to my ultimate goal of working in the industry, in the union, on creative interesting work and making enough money to no longer be up to my ears in debt. I want to be further along than I am. I think this long pause has affected my drive. I used to be so passionate and had so much resolve, but now I feel like a bit of a zombie now when it comes to which direction I am headed. I think that is why I decided of all the years to go to Burning Man, this is the first time I really NEED it. I am going with the hope I will be inspired. I am going to allow myself to decompress, let go of some things, experience new things, test my ability to survive in a harsh climate, and in some ways to wake myself up and prove I'm still alive inside there. This trip is my way of recharging my creative battery. It is time to remember where I was 3 years ago and reclaim some of that.

It's too easy to blame LA and say how hard it is to get ahead in the entertainment industry, but when all is said and done the buck stops with me. I think in some ways my lack of resolve and some whifs of my general malaise have kept me firmly planted right where I am. I am determined to change this. I don't want to think back and see a waste of time and energy filling in my memories.

Let the ideas pour in!

Yesterday's nostalgia about Halloween costumes reminded me that, I only have 2 more months to come up with a brilliant idea and execute it for the big day. Halloween = Gay Christmas. Here are some suggestions from my old hometown rag, the Stranger.

Nancy Reagan

The littlest prisoner

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

No damn panflutes!

There is an evil instrument called the Pan Flute. They are often used in crappy faux native american music in front of the downtown stores in Seattle or in music piped into airports. They should be destroyed. That is all

Thanks to Boing Boing for the tip

Sharing is caring

Since I haven't really shared many good stories lately I thought i'd toss one more into this void of a blog...

In grad school, I met my great friend Jacob and from the moment we met, we just got eachother. There was never really a need to explain ourselves as we would easily build on the other's jokes and even today that holds true. It was nice to finally have a close gay friend in my life as I had never really had many gay friends before. (Mostly my circle of friends had consisted of sweet straight guys with a sense of humor, and lots and lots of straight girls.)

Something you may not know about me, I LOVE Halloween. Halloween was getting closer that third year of grad school and our friend Carrmen had decided to host a "Come as your favorite diva Party." I kind of dreaded this idea for Halloween cause I'm not really one for drag. Trust me, I wracked my brain for ways to come dressed as a male diva, but none were gonna be the right level of divadom I was looking for. Carrmen had told me about 4 days before the party that she was going as Kristina Aguilera in white face "Beat That!" "'re on!" I replied. It was right at that moment I decided to go as Erykah Badu in blackface. Hopefully no-one takes offense, but it turned out pretty damn hilarious. Not pictured here was "my baby seven." My friend Jacob (in the middle) went with his boy at the time as the "Olsen Twins in 10 years," who knew his prediction would come true?! Carrmen lost her shit when I came in through that door all 7 feet tall, she was laughing and scared for weeks! Forgive me baby jesus.

Brenda Dickson - Part 3

If you haven't seen the first two parody parts, you NEED to check them out on youtube!

I like my strippers extra tasty crispy!

Oh so sad.... Micky's (aka:crappy WEHO stripper gay bar) had a little fire yesterday. It seems it didn't burn to the ground... next time whoever lit the place up needs to use more fuel.

Glen came up with this great joke: What do Micky's and the LA County fair have in common?

....they both serve deep fried twinkies!

Oh Glen, ya kill me!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Quote of the Day!

This is just hilarious!: "We're not entirely sure what a Vision Board is, but we know it has something to do with The Secret™, the Oprah-approved method for making the popcorn ceiling of your studio apartment rain hundred-dollar bills with nothing but the power of your mind." Good one guys...

Any minute, the red curtains will part and everything will be backwards...

Today has been surreal. Basically, a giant camel and a laughing german midget could walk in right now and that wouldn't really surprise me.... oh wait look here they are now:

Today is just one of those weird days where every request, every task just seems a little pointless. I think I have officially checked out of this job and need the next week at Burning Man to get my mojo back. There really isn't much of importance to report to ya'll yet, but the week is still young.

Dance Fools Dance!

I love watching old footage of people dancing badly. This clip is pretty amazing for doing just that. I am totally the chick in the middle with the green tights! What the hell was she thinking when she left the house that day?!

Monday, August 20, 2007

I wanna dance!

Well, since I have basically checked out at work and can think of nothing but being out on the playa for Burning Man, I thought I'd share some good ol' fashioned Bikini fun with you! This video makes me want to get up, turn on the radio and dance my little tush off.

My Favorite moment in Ferris Bueller...

I know you're not feeling too hot Lauren, so this ones for you. Feel Better.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Awful Truth - The Sodomobile

Michael Moore's show "The Awful Truth" was one of my favorite moments in my weekly tv digestion schedule. I loved his activist nature of all scales and this episode is great. To bring attention to the remaining state sodomy laws in the US he launched a full scale assault by putting some fags in an RV to go to each state and break those laws! Gotta love it.

The party scar

When I was a Sophemore in college, I lived in a big four story house with 14 roommates, one was a drug dealer in the basement we called monkey man, another was a 50 year old coke fiend with a penchant for homeless girls, and yet another was a schizophrenic in the attic who we discovered had been collecting pee in jars. I love talking about this period of my life if for nothing more than the great stories.

Cornish College of the Arts always had a big blowout party at the end of each year that may have been considered the Graduation Party, but everyone really ended up going, not just the Seniors. When you live in a really big house with several people who go to the same school, the choice of venue for throwing a big party becomes instantly clear: We would be throwing the Party that year! Preperations were easy, lock a few doors to bedrooms, warn the other inhabitants, buy some liquor and open the door. My friend Jen Morrell and I began drinking around 5 pm that day, and it would be another good 10-12 hours before my face would hit the pillow.

Let me describe my friend Jen.... imagine a short pretty girl from Alaska with long red hair and a trenchcoat down to her toes that she wore every single day. Now I want you to imagine a 6'3" white guy walking arm in arm with her and sharing a cup of basically just Vodka.... We wandered from room to room, floor to floor, chatting up a storm and laughing our way through the place. When the midnight hour appraoched we were in the kitchen mixing some more drinks for people when the kitchen counter collapsed under the weight of an idiotic lighting designer who thought he could be a stripper for the night. Sadly, there went half the liquor supply.

When Jen and I returned to the basement for a bit of mingling, we both managed to fall to the ground in quick succession blacking out, coming to and seeing carpet in front of our face, and realizing we both had not spilled a drop. We were pros at this apparently. So much laughing ensued as we tried to get back to our feet, I realized the night was drawing to a close. Around five AM I walked into my room, locked the door behind me, took off all my clothes, and then stared down my narrow room at my bed......spinning in a soft haze on the other side of the room. I took a few steps, giggled to myself as I was never one to get the spins, and then started to think how funny it would be if I chose to lean into it as I ran toward my bed..... Next thing I knew I was falling. I came to a stop with a bang, snap and a thud at the foot of my bed. OUCH! This must really hurt, I thought, thankfull I couldn't feel a thing. I reached my hand around feeling my back where there seemed to be some sort of wet spot..... my hand returned for inspection covered in blood. I laughed, crawled up on my bed and fell asleep lying on my back. I didn't realize at the time but I had snapped the corner of my desk off with that fall, melamine coated desks against bare skin are never a pleasant combo.

The next morning...... The. Worst. Hangover. Ever...... I never want to feel that bad again. I remembered my stupidity, saw dried blood and kind of started to freak. I promptly sat up in bed. When you rip off a scab that has fused your body to the bed you are lying in, I discovered you really can screech like a little girl whose dolly has just been thrown into the chipper shredder. I hit the bathroom and inspected the gash. The worst of it had fused back together thankfully, but I really should have gotten stitches that day. The place was a disaster.... puke on carpets covered with plates, potted plants broken in heaps, glass pushed into a sticky pile in the corner after the counter snapped..... a few bodies passed out here and there.... Me with a new gash turning quickly into the scar it is now, and the pounding of my head that would not subside for another 4 days..... Ahhh undergrad!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Bear-ly remixed

I know everyone's probably seen this already as it is on tons of blogs and websites, but if you haven't it's pretty darn hysterical and terrifying!

I'd like to introduce: Bear Force-1

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Alright kiddo, gimme that damn re-called toy!

So they recall a bunch of toys for some lead paint dangers?....what happened to the tough love of the 60's 70's and 80's where we were made to learn life's little dangers while playing.... like lawn darts, who doesn't have a great childhood story about those little rods of death?


Stressing. Compressing. Slightly freaking out.... It's been two days after a wonderful weekend where I am feeling lots of anxiety. I know its lots of little issues pressing on me that are unavoidable, so I'm working to remember to breathe and relax.... But there is a new sun rising on the horizon called burning man that will arrive in 12 days 9 hours and 49 minutes.....but who's counting?

Today just feels like a day for...

Kate Bush- Wuthering Heights

Monday, August 13, 2007

Coppola? Captain EO? WTF?

Ahhhh good times, just as bad as I remember...

Public Enemy was fun...when I was 15...

So I went to "Rock the Bells" with a boy, and I had a great time. Besides being robbed of 30 dollars to park at the event, it was pretty enjoyable. We both came to the conclusion that Hip-Hop is best watched and played in a club setting, not a giant frickin' field in the middle of nowhere San Bernardino. We had a lovely time people watching and of course the commentary flowed effortlessly about each sighting. Public Enemy were trite and bit rediculous with their throw away lines like "Fuck Bush" "Fuck Cheney" and no actual stance of any political nature besides such insightful commentary... Kinda lame. I was really jazzed to see some people wandering around registering voters, hopefully in the next election the youth of america might step up to the plate. The Roots were worth the trip, and it amazed me that they were able to project so much energy and keep the crowd enthralled even though they were so far from most of the crowd. Over-all, good concert, good sun and some beach time, cute boy, good fun, great weekend.

Making Love: The Sitcom

My friend Mark is apretty brilliant guy when it comes to editing and film. He always seems to have these great ideas of ways to use older film clips and imagery in new and interesting ways. Take a look at the following video and you'll see his handywork. This is his re-imaging of the film "Making Love" as a sitcom.... pretty great stuff.

UPDATE: just picked it up!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Ok...slight admission

I'm sorta kinda dating again people.... Details to follow eventually, but we have plans to hit the "Rock the Bells" concert tomorrah! Totally excited and kind of a 13 year old girl......

Car Merkins for everyone!

Thank you Boing Boing for the tip-off..... but do they come in any bigger sizes? I'm sure I could get a live one.....hmmm

Fun Photo Friday! #9

Doesn't my new band look awesome?!

Some of the riders in last years Solstice parade in seattle...yes they are naked and painted...

Me as a South Park character a friend/ co-worker made of me.

Akeelah and the Keg

I totally want to go to the Beer Chug Championships & Drunken Spelling Bee tonight. Sounds like fun huh? Gotta love the influx of psuedo sports stuff invading the world of 30 somethings these days!

Ryan “The Hebrew Hillbilly” Steckloff is expected to be a top contender. See him below:

Boys in the Band

Enumclaw, WA is a quaint little town nestled at the base of Mount Rainier, forty-five minutes South East of Seattle. It is a cow town with a smallish population of around eleven thousand tops. On Thursdays, they clean out the barns at the local dairies, hosing the manure water out through a system of drains. These drains lead to pipes that carry the water through a system of sprinklers out in the fields where it is sprayed through the air fertilizing the grass. Thursdays in my house was often called "Shit Day" as that is what all of Enumclaw smelled like on thursdays.

Enumclaw doesn't really like art, I do. Enumclaw likes sports. The EHS Hornets have been a strong football team for some time and the people of Enumclaw like it that way. Enumclaw for the most part is a set of flannel wearing, shit talkin', chaw spittin, bible thumpin', hard workin' hicks.

No kidding: Enumclaw in native american means "Land of the evil spirits." Sometimes it really lived up to that name.

Incidentally, I lived in Enumclaw, so typically this place mystified, terrified, and annoyed me.

Enumclaw has a small community of artists that live in and around the outskirts of the town, making their wares to sell at flea markets, or sell in small galleries. It also has an arts commission that is turning 25 years old this weekend.... This was news to me yesterday, as their presence when I was living there was little more than maybe a quilt show every two years. To commemorate their apparent 25 years of success, they chose to purchase a sculpture to place in front of city hall that expressed what Enumclaw was really about. They got a few bids from some local artists and instead of trying to make one of those designs happen, they bought a sculpture online that was a knock-off by a fake artist and sent from China. They got what they payed for..... a piece of crap and a Rockwell painting rip-off to boot....

What were they thinking ya ask? Well here's a quote from Gary LaTurner of the Enumclaw Art Commission: ["Our point was to buy something affordable that referenced the arts community in Enumclaw," said Gary LaTurner, Enumclaw's cultural-programs manager. "It's a very comfortable piece to look at. It's very user-friendly."] This quote alone was enough to earn an angry but constructive email to the Arts commission and the mayor of Enumclaw Washington.

I sent of an email expressing disappointment and concern at their choice of A. A piece of junk, and B. To not use a local artists work, who might better understand and express enumclaw in an artistic form. Last time I looked I don't remember that online sculpture catalog from China living in Enumclaw.

You'd think with a mission statement to: "...enrich the plateau area by coordinating and supporting literary, visual and performing artists and events, both amateur and professional." that they would have put more thought or effort into this. Whew it feels good to express anger constructively even though I am sure it fell on deaf ears over there. Like they care what the ex-token fag of the town thinks now that he lives in LA. I just hope that some day the artistic community there can grow and be supported by the so called "Enumclaw Arts Commission."

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Honey Nut Shetbags anyone?

Oh Kelly, finally some more of your fun on the youtubes...

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Colorful Lunar Eclipse August 28th

Check out the map and timetables below to see when your area might be experiencing the orangy, red and rusty moon on August 28th this year. Its supposed to be beautiful, just be able to get up early and dress warm. I'll be at burning man staring at the sky, most likely still awake. I'll take some pics if I'm coherent...

Monday, August 06, 2007


Yesterday I was reminded by my friend Billy of an amazing and terrifying thing called "GLOW: Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling." In the eighties this was a fun thing for guys to watch and I guess. It never really did anything for me as I hadn't hit puberty yet, but it was funny and campy, and I knew I wasn't supposed to be watching. I remember my father and my brothers would watch it on the weekends and sometimes if mom was away i'd get to sneak in some glow time.

In this clip, it is amazing to see how topical they could be by tackling such issues as immigration and tolerance.

Want to clear a room with a youtube video?

Well then click below! You'll see a parody by Peaches of Alanis Morissette's parody of the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps." Yesterday, this video managed to clear a room of gay men in under 45 seconds at a fun group gathering. Thanks go to Mark for pointing this one out.

Ladies and gentlemen....."My Dumps"

Friday, August 03, 2007

It was only a matter of time...

Before somone made their own parody, of the parody, of Brenda Dickson's "Welcome To My Home." It's a little slow to start but the last half is pretty good. If you haven't seen it yet, check out the video of the original and still best parody at:

(I love the line: "I added sneakers to this outfit to look like a lesbian.")

Trailer Re-dux: Toy story crossed with Requiem for a Dream

Wow, I'm surprised they didn't find a good way to do the "butt to butt" scene....

Everyone loves a stripper with a heart of gold!

Check it out:

Fun Photo Friday! #8

Who knew kickball could be so sexy and bitchy?!

My friend Mark has some friends in Seattle who are part of the Westcoast Kickball League and are on the team "Ball Deep." (Brilliant name by the way guys.) Yesterday they played the team called "Space Tractor," I'm not sure how it went but there seems to be alot of competitive trash talking that has now taken itself onto the youtubes!

Here's "Ball Deep's" taunt video against "Space Tractor":

And here's the sexy, dark and kind of amazing video put out by "Space Tractor" :

They're both pretty wonderful eh?

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Is that a porno mannequin shop?

A man in Sarasota Florida has launched an assualt on his neighbors and the city for not allowing him to open a hair salon with bikini clad women, he is using mannequins. He has been posing naked manequins in sexual positions in the windows of his empty building. While I feel a little bit of sympathy for the neghbors who have to walk their kids past this display to take them to a nearby kindergarten, this is a great way of protesting a community's stupid censorship decision. It isn't like he was trying to open a strip club! He was going with the beach city feel and using a subtle hint of what sells: Sex. God bless him!

Check out this article about it and tell me what you think:

Oh Frankenhooker, you slay me!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Ahhh the 70's!

Check out this great vintage "Mays" ad! I swear we had that damn proctor-silex coffee maker and toaster till I was about 16. Ah the days when products were reliable enough to last...

SARS and other fun filled disease fashion!

Ok, so for a gift from a co-worker I received a cute lil' SARS mask from China. It's similar in style to the one above but has little milk bottles with faces and stuff on it. Is it odd that I think this is probably the coolest thing ever? I am so wearing it at burningman!

New Terms to use at your disposal

1.Gossitement= of or pertaining to an act of excitement, surrounding a semi-famous celebutard or gossip related moment.

Example: "Hey guys, what's all the Gossitement with that celebutard Lohan about?"

2.Celebutard= of or pertaining to a rediculous person famous for being's never about actual talent.

Example: Paris Hilton

3.SHART= of or pertaining to a Fart that emits a small or copious amount of shit when not planned.

Example: (Names and faces have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent.) "Oh wow, I never thought i'd make anyone laugh so hard they'd shart! She had to leave the office in a hurry and we won't ever talk about it again. Can you imagine?"