The man done burnt.....twice!

Whew! What a week that was! I had such a greattime at Burning Man 2007 that it is all still settling in and I feel like it is almost futile to try to talk about it. There were meaningful experiences great and small throughout the week and I really do feel envigorated spiritually and artistically just as I had hoped.

The night before I left, I thought I lost my ticket. I tore apart the whole room and house and eventually found it but damn that was a scary moment. The drive up was beautiful, the sierras and trees, and wide open sky. So Gorgeous! We arrived in Reno about 5pm and had to find the best way to park our overly tall vehicle in the nasty downtown area. (Memo to me, avoid parking or staying downtown for burning man travel.) The tacky streets of Reno are paved not with gold, but with vomit and sticky drink spills. The silver legacy showed us it has cornered the market on bad food, weak drinks, and the hardest beds in human creation so I slept on the floor to re-adjust my back. Just avoid this city at all costs if you can.

The next morning I was so excited to get out there and experience this crazy event firsthand. We ran to grab some quicklast minute essentials and perishables and were on our way into the beautiful landscape that makes Nevada seem possibly redeeming. We obeyed all signage to slow down and go the speed limit, as we had been informedd that the localpolice were looking for any small slip-up to cash in off your mistakes. My Friend Angie told me she had gotten an $800 ticket on the way in for going 10mph over the speed limit. If you are ever travelling to Burning Man, keep this in mind. When we turnd off the road, I realized I was finally here. It had taken me 10 years and numerous prompts and near misses to make it to this event and I was finally ready to experience it. After a quick initiation at the gate where our greeter, who was more than a little high, kept forgetting what he was doing, we made our way in on Landfill to 4:40 and were now home. The wind was blowing, it was about 98 degrees and it was time to set up. We finished with efficient speed and eventually got the penis topiaries up and swingin' all seemed to enjoy the kitch value.

The boys at my homebase "Our Lady of Schlongs Meat Inspection Center" were absolutely wonderful. Our camp consisted of two factions from both LA and SF and we got along famously. Snowball was the main greeter/ inspector yelling "Cold beer right here right now" out to all the lovely passerbys. Once they came in they got the catch, they had to drop trou and show their meet for that cold beer. You'd be really surprised how many people did it with no hesitation, and the ones you would expect to have no issue would often flat out refuse. Many had come to see the books from past years inpections and see their photos. By the end of the week, I was a little cocked out...... too much and it all became a blur.


This is a small version of "the man" that had been created and erected right behind where were camping at 4:40 and Landfill. We joked with the guy who created it that he was just hiding back here so nobody would try to burn him again. (Thanks to Danger Ranger for the pic)

With the days so warm and the sun so unforgiving, I spent most of the day after morning chores just laying around relaxing, and sometimes a light snooze. The nights were really what I enjoyed and I would walk or bike around for about 4 hours returning home exhausted, but with so many stories. I saw some amazing fire spinning with hula hoops and sticks ablaze. I ran into the "evil vending machine" out there where you could push the button of your vice be it a toke, a smoke, a joke, porn etc... I got some nasty pin-up hustler print and threw it back demanding one better: a smoke. The machine bitched about how I was too picky and demanding and it guessed I needed it lit too.... "No" I replied, "I have the lighter I used to burn the man with." "That deserves a smoke." it replied and it shot one out in its clammy little hand. The green giant walked by me at one point saying "Ho ho ho... Green giant" heartily while handing me a can of dented green beans I later gifted into a random camp's mailbox. There were so many fun little moments meeting people like Jade from England who I sat with and sang Johnny Cash tunes by the fire cactus art piece. There was the great crowd at Dance Dance Immolation (a version of dance dance revolution with the players competing and wearing flameproof suits so that when they misss and are blasted with a flamethrower they don't get burnt.) cheering them on and yet secretly hoping they trip up at least a little. I did a strip tease/dance behind the screen of one of the burning man radio stations to the song "Car Wash," and how much fun did I have with my female partner since she was dressed in a fringe skirt?! It was like it was meant to be for us dancing to that song! I bit the dust on my bike one night while staring at an art piece thatwas blinking in the dark, too bad there was a huge sand patch there! I discovered alove for one camp called "bad idea theater" thatshowed movies that were for the most part, a bad idea. Dr. Caligari will always remind me of Bruning Man now. I loved lying on my back, seeing the stars in the middle of the desert and freeing myself of all those issues that had bound me up throughout the year. Over-all I was most touched by the small gestures of caring and gratitude that this event could foster in the human spirit. One really bad white-out sandstorm can bring even the most divided groups together.


This art piece was called "Big Rig Jig" and I was amazed when I saw it finished. This thing really blew my mind, I saw the sketch and just didn't think it was possible...


This piece was entitled "Crude Awakening" and was a real highlight for me at the festival. The statues were made from rebar, scrap metal and chains. The giant burn of this piece after the man had burnt on Saturday was simply incredible. Not only were the fireworks the best I had ever seen, they burned 10,000 gallons of gas in 26 seconds to get the whole thing lit. A very erie spectacle I'll never forget.


This is a pic by my friend Billy and we were three people from the front of the perimiter they had set up. Best seats in the house. Below is a youtube vid of the minutes leading up to it and the huge explosion. It still doesn't really compare, but it gives you a damn good idea of just how big this moment was.



There is so much more to tell you guys, and pics I still need to get developed, so for now that's all ya get. But I will share more when I have some more time.

Sharing is caring

Since I haven't really shared many good stories lately I thought i'd toss one more into this void of a blog...

In grad school, I met my great friend Jacob and from the moment we met, we just got eachother. There was never really a need to explain ourselves as we would easily build on the other's jokes and even today that holds true. It was nice to finally have a close gay friend in my life as I had never really had many gay friends before. (Mostly my circle of friends had consisted of sweet straight guys with a sense of humor, and lots and lots of straight girls.)

Something you may not know about me, I LOVE Halloween. Halloween was getting closer that third year of grad school and our friend Carrmen had decided to host a "Come as your favorite diva Party." I kind of dreaded this idea for Halloween cause I'm not really one for drag. Trust me, I wracked my brain for ways to come dressed as a male diva, but none were gonna be the right level of divadom I was looking for. Carrmen had told me about 4 days before the party that she was going as Kristina Aguilera in white face "Beat That!" "Ok....you're on!" I replied. It was right at that moment I decided to go as Erykah Badu in blackface. Hopefully no-one takes offense, but it turned out pretty damn hilarious. Not pictured here was "my baby seven." My friend Jacob (in the middle) went with his boy at the time as the "Olsen Twins in 10 years," who knew his prediction would come true?! Carrmen lost her shit when I came in through that door all 7 feet tall, she was laughing and scared for weeks! Forgive me baby jesus.

Storytime again kiddies.....

Let me tell you a story kids, sit down on the tape circle, cross your legs and listen up... Once upon a time, way back when I was 6, there lived 2 little girls next door that my parents lovingly named "The Bare ass twins."

Heather and Andie lived next door to me for as long as I could remember. I think perhaps they moved in when I was like 3 or 4. Their father was a sour faced man with thick glasses who always wore brown polyester pants and spent most of his time swearing at them or making model cars and sniffing glue. Janet, their mother, was a very large woman and to this day reminds me of Divine with a bigger wig and an uglier mu-mu. She would often take me to lunch with them when we'd be playing together during Summer, which always consisted of a happy meal at Mc Donalds. These girls were the poster children of Mc Donals having every toy they offered and eating there for about 2 meals a day every day of their life. No matter how much Iloved Mc D's at that age, I did find it a little odd that they ate there so much.

Heather and Andie were both fun and tiring to me at the same time. They were just as rambunctious as all the boys in the hood, and had much stronger mouths.... "Fuck off Andie!" "You're a bitch Heather!" "Eat Shit you little bitch Andie!" To find the source of their creative word choices one only had to listen carefully every evening as their backyard, garage, or if the window were open, their house was flooded with curses and screaming. Such the peaceful life these girls had.

The nickname my parents gave to these poor little girls was based on the fact that their Mother would let them, if not encourage them, to run around the neighborhood nude. Some perv could have had his own creepy show if he strolled up Carolyn Way anytime during the daylight hours. Running through the sprinklers or chasing eachother in the streets, their penchant was for freedom of style... My parents eventually told me there was a new rule: No playing with the girls unless they had clothes on. Imagine trying to tell your friends "My mom says we can't play till you put some panties on...." It was an odd but colorful childhood I had, huh?

Off and on we would have to play inside as it got up in the hundreds during Summer in the Valley. One afternoon when I was about 5 or 6, we were inside watching the Wizard of Oz together at their place. This movie was of course a favorite of mine, and we all knew every word. Janet was wandering around in her wardrobe, which was a fairly usual occurence. With Janet, it was always cup of coffee, some pills from the table, a bit of yelling, then a nap in the bedroom as we were instructed to hush up. This specific day she even had some friends. They were hangin' out, drinking beers, chatting, unloading camera equipment and setting up light in Janet's bedroom. I don't remember thinking this situation was all that strange. Janet instructed us she was going into her bedroom to make a movie and she was at NO POINT to be disturbed! "What a bitch" I rememeber thinking and we went back to our movie.

Somewhere around the Tin Man's forest scene we got bored so a game of "Lava" was in order. We jumped from surface to surface until inevitably something broke or someone got hurt. Andie fell from the sofa, hit her head on the fireplace mantel and started to cry. I rmember Heather wiping off some blood with a towel and trying to shut her up so Janet wouldn't hear. Even though it was just a scratch, it was a bit more blood than it should have been and I knew this was kind of serious. I marched through the hall and knocked on the door. Janet appeared tying her robe, I remeber some guy's leg hanging out of the bed covers, and lots of cameras and lights around. She started to holler, and I could barely get out what had happened.... I started to cry and ran home.

My mother was used to the routine of "Janet made me cry" as she was good at screaming and swearing at anyones child. I explained it simply between sobs: "I was watching...the....movie....and....Janet said don't talk to her in her room.... and her friends were there...." "Um...what friends?" my mother asked. "Her camera friends and they were making a mvie and Andie bumped her head and janet yelled at me cause I told her." "WHAT? Where were they making a movie, and of what?" "In her bedroom, she said don't bother her...." "Stay here!" my mom shouted. I heard our front door fly open and immediately my mother bellowed through the neighborhood: "Janet Charleton!"

The rest was a string of yelling back and forth. I knew something bad had just occured and that I most likely wasn't allowed over there anymore. Oh well, it smelled like cat piss over there anyways.

The electric doors from HELL!

To break the tradition this week of posting videos, I thought I'd actually hunker down and tell ya a story!

When I was about 6 years old, I enjoyed going shopping with my mother. We would go to the photomat together, the little one down on foothill that you could drive through. We would always do the grocery shopping together. I loved picking out plants at the nursery with her as we both seemed to share the same distaste for scraggly annuals. One day, our shopping adventure took a dark turn for the worse.

Thrifty was your basic drug store with an ice-cream counter in front. (Why they put the ice-cream section in the sunny front window is beyond me, with all the potential melting... Also, I believe Thrifty is now owned by Rite-Aid, and still sports the same basic red and blue scheme. ) The store was nestled back from the road in your very typical, late 70's shopping center. We entered the store as my mother dragged me back from the box of free kittens out front, and I asked to get a sip of water at the drinking fountain. This was really a strategic move on my part, it allowed me to wander off unsupervised for a few minutes and be at the front window of the store staring at the kitties I longed to own. I took a few sips and cautiously approached the glass window that the electric door slid back on.

*Sidenote: you know how electric doors these days slide into a pocket of sorts and no longer just back on themselves? I'm part of the reason for that....

I pushed my face against the warm glass and started to make faces at the sweet little felines. They launched up and played with the glass hoping to get through. In the periphery of my sight, I noticed a large woman in black spandex approach the door. In a split second I heard a whirring sound approach and grab my lips. *SPLAT!* The area between the door and window now had a fan of my blood dripping down it. "Oh Christ! Help!" the fat lady scremed as she ran toward me, making the door retract for a split second and then catch my upper lip harder this time. Within seconds the doors released their grip and I wandered to the middle of the entry screming and crying for my mommy. "What the fuck happened here?!" My mother blurted as she approached, sweeping me into her arms and carrying me off to the hospital. I distinctly remember the manager spewing lots of "please don't sue" "Free Ice-cream" etc... all most likely in the hopes of saving his job and the company a serious lawsuit.

Several stiches later and some serious pain, I got myself one hell of a story. How many kids can say they have had their lips caught in an electric door?