A gay without a day...

ok, did anyone actually participate in that whole "day without a gay" thing? Personally its not really how I see protesting the issue of prop 8 effectively.... but for those of you who do or did: Huzzah more power to ya....

Bad news bears...

So Last night I had an oh so uncomfortable chat with my mother. Things appear to be a tad bleak this holiday season for my family as my mother's job has cut her down from 5 days of work to only 2 or the occasional 3... My Father apparently was layed off from his job with the hopes they can bring him back on in the spring. Both my parents are in their late 60's and live on a very fixed income, this isn't good. My own financial situation isn't pretty either. Swamped with student loans, and other piles of bills, Zack finds him nearing the end of one job, with two weeks off till the following one starts... with no pay in between and maybe some paltry amount of unemployment that will arrive to late to help, this ain't lookin' pretty. I'm worried for them.

So after that bomb shell, my mother asks the question i've been evading lately... "When are you coming for Christmas?" Oh. Shit. "Well mom, I am kind of flat broke and can't afford to come this year... the cheapest ticket I could find is $550 and that isn't gonna work for me." She started to cry. My mom has had me there every single christmas since I was born but one... and that's a good track record for 29 years, well this would be number 2... It was tough to tackle all of this stuff in one session for the both of us, so we hung up morose and kind of bummed about the whole discussion. It's hard leaving things like that for me. I don't like that creepy unspoken hurt hanging in the air between me and others. Over-all it kinda sucked ass, so I didn't sleep very well.

On a more positive note, I did get an interesting possible offer this morning for where to spend my Christmas that would be much cheaper, and could be great... Fingers crossed that it pans out for me. *smile* We'll see...

This weekend I am going out with some friends on their Gay Scuba Club "The Barnacle Busters" christmas lights harbor cruise for a few hours Saturday. I'm really excited as this might be just the thing to get me into the holiday spirit, and a little booze and good company is always fun. Long Beach here I come!

Some great signs from..

The protests this past Saturday downtown..

The electric doors from HELL!

To break the tradition this week of posting videos, I thought I'd actually hunker down and tell ya a story!

When I was about 6 years old, I enjoyed going shopping with my mother. We would go to the photomat together, the little one down on foothill that you could drive through. We would always do the grocery shopping together. I loved picking out plants at the nursery with her as we both seemed to share the same distaste for scraggly annuals. One day, our shopping adventure took a dark turn for the worse.

Thrifty was your basic drug store with an ice-cream counter in front. (Why they put the ice-cream section in the sunny front window is beyond me, with all the potential melting... Also, I believe Thrifty is now owned by Rite-Aid, and still sports the same basic red and blue scheme. ) The store was nestled back from the road in your very typical, late 70's shopping center. We entered the store as my mother dragged me back from the box of free kittens out front, and I asked to get a sip of water at the drinking fountain. This was really a strategic move on my part, it allowed me to wander off unsupervised for a few minutes and be at the front window of the store staring at the kitties I longed to own. I took a few sips and cautiously approached the glass window that the electric door slid back on.

*Sidenote: you know how electric doors these days slide into a pocket of sorts and no longer just back on themselves? I'm part of the reason for that....

I pushed my face against the warm glass and started to make faces at the sweet little felines. They launched up and played with the glass hoping to get through. In the periphery of my sight, I noticed a large woman in black spandex approach the door. In a split second I heard a whirring sound approach and grab my lips. *SPLAT!* The area between the door and window now had a fan of my blood dripping down it. "Oh Christ! Help!" the fat lady scremed as she ran toward me, making the door retract for a split second and then catch my upper lip harder this time. Within seconds the doors released their grip and I wandered to the middle of the entry screming and crying for my mommy. "What the fuck happened here?!" My mother blurted as she approached, sweeping me into her arms and carrying me off to the hospital. I distinctly remember the manager spewing lots of "please don't sue" "Free Ice-cream" etc... all most likely in the hopes of saving his job and the company a serious lawsuit.

Several stiches later and some serious pain, I got myself one hell of a story. How many kids can say they have had their lips caught in an electric door?

What have I done?

Well, every now and then there is or should be a more serious topic put into my little blogosphere, and I guess this may be my first. I live here in LA. LA is a wonderful and hateful little town that resides permanently on a faultline. This ensures that any and all bitches who spend money on plastic sugery only do it with the knowledge that at any moment they could plummet down a crevice with perky breasts and six pack abs, all before breakfast.

Don't get me wrong, I WAS born here, but moving back hasn't been the treat it was orginally imagined. In my head, LA was warmer and filled with opportunity. (Well, the warm part was way too correct this past Summer.) I've had some great near misses, but "Opportunity" has yet to kick my door in. Consider this my bitchy rant if you will, nobody reads this shit anyhow...Any comments? Nope.

I love LA... How many people can say they are an orginal, born here, native?! That's rare... Right? But I'm disenchanted as of late. I am stuck in a job, that pays, but I hate it... Albeit it is in the field of my interest, but just on the fringe of what I want to do. When do I get to use that over-priced, masters fucking degree of mine?! I have yet to enjoy the supposed benefits of being "Master Bunker!" Fuck me!

I am lucky enough to have a great group of supportive friends. This city is teeming with great people either in the same boat, or just as wonderfully disenchanted. At present, most of my friends happen to be coupled. This isn't a new occurence in my life as most of it has been spent in a long term relationship, or the obligatory "this is my sexless, single friend Zack.... He's really funny...." They at least have found good partnerships. Over the past year, I have to say any of my friends who paired up found really great people, who compliment them so well and will most likely last beyond what I've experienced! I do remember times where everyone was paired up with seriously bad choices and suddenly my singlehood seemed a safer bet.

I went to a really wonderful party at a friend's house earlier this evening. (The risotto was awesome, you know who you are.) It was a good experience to see several types of people I don't normally come into contact with. There were the good, cute, couples in their bliss... There were the bitter, single 24 year olds gettin a little tipsy... There were the near stalkerish young girls recounting their scary stories of sleeping with thier teachers... But over-all it was so comforting to see that there are so many people out there just wanting or trying to connect. Working at "local gay bar" can make me jaded sometimes with the idea of actually being able to connect. I believe that getting away from there more and more might give me some perspective.

I just am itching for something new. I'd love a new person, boyfriend, friend, or person of interest in my life. Maybe it's the presence of Winter and Fall but I seem to be in a nesting phase. As convoluted, and ill fated it was, I had my eye on someone. These little crushes are always just that. From the get go, being rational and knowing the outcome always softens the blow. Soon, the crush on someone will be more than, who knows? I'd light a candle and stay home with a good book If I could, but how is that ever gonna change my life? Don't get me wrong, I've read some life changing books, but is it gonna keep me warm? If I light that book on fire it will, but that won't jive with THIS bitch's renters insurance! Sometimes, bucking up can just be exhausting. Winter in LA: we don't have to shovel sunshine!