Sunday, November 26, 2006

What have I done?

Well, every now and then there is or should be a more serious topic put into my little blogosphere, and I guess this may be my first. I live here in LA. LA is a wonderful and hateful little town that resides permanently on a faultline. This ensures that any and all bitches who spend money on plastic sugery only do it with the knowledge that at any moment they could plummet down a crevice with perky breasts and six pack abs, all before breakfast.

Don't get me wrong, I WAS born here, but moving back hasn't been the treat it was orginally imagined. In my head, LA was warmer and filled with opportunity. (Well, the warm part was way too correct this past Summer.) I've had some great near misses, but "Opportunity" has yet to kick my door in. Consider this my bitchy rant if you will, nobody reads this shit anyhow...Any comments? Nope.

I love LA... How many people can say they are an orginal, born here, native?! That's rare... Right? But I'm disenchanted as of late. I am stuck in a job, that pays, but I hate it... Albeit it is in the field of my interest, but just on the fringe of what I want to do. When do I get to use that over-priced, masters fucking degree of mine?! I have yet to enjoy the supposed benefits of being "Master Bunker!" Fuck me!

I am lucky enough to have a great group of supportive friends. This city is teeming with great people either in the same boat, or just as wonderfully disenchanted. At present, most of my friends happen to be coupled. This isn't a new occurence in my life as most of it has been spent in a long term relationship, or the obligatory "this is my sexless, single friend Zack.... He's really funny...." They at least have found good partnerships. Over the past year, I have to say any of my friends who paired up found really great people, who compliment them so well and will most likely last beyond what I've experienced! I do remember times where everyone was paired up with seriously bad choices and suddenly my singlehood seemed a safer bet.

I went to a really wonderful party at a friend's house earlier this evening. (The risotto was awesome, you know who you are.) It was a good experience to see several types of people I don't normally come into contact with. There were the good, cute, couples in their bliss... There were the bitter, single 24 year olds gettin a little tipsy... There were the near stalkerish young girls recounting their scary stories of sleeping with thier teachers... But over-all it was so comforting to see that there are so many people out there just wanting or trying to connect. Working at "local gay bar" can make me jaded sometimes with the idea of actually being able to connect. I believe that getting away from there more and more might give me some perspective.

I just am itching for something new. I'd love a new person, boyfriend, friend, or person of interest in my life. Maybe it's the presence of Winter and Fall but I seem to be in a nesting phase. As convoluted, and ill fated it was, I had my eye on someone. These little crushes are always just that. From the get go, being rational and knowing the outcome always softens the blow. Soon, the crush on someone will be more than, who knows? I'd light a candle and stay home with a good book If I could, but how is that ever gonna change my life? Don't get me wrong, I've read some life changing books, but is it gonna keep me warm? If I light that book on fire it will, but that won't jive with THIS bitch's renters insurance! Sometimes, bucking up can just be exhausting. Winter in LA: we don't have to shovel sunshine!

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