Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Hot deafs!

Please forgive me readers if you take any offense to the following stories....

Back in Seattle, while out on the town, there was a group of very attractive guys we reffered to as the "Hot Deafs." I'd be there drinking down a surfer on acid at the Cha-Cha and there in the corner they would appear, hands moving rapidly, looking all hot. Dancing in the creepy mirrored hell that was the Cuff, I would turn and again, near the entrance or on the patio the "Hot deafs" would be having their meeting of the minds. They were some of the most handsome men in Seattle, some of them knew it in that sick smug way too, but most were just sexy deaf guys I would pine after. There was one guy in the group who would help translate and order drinks, he had apparently only a partial hearing loss, we called him "wingman." He was the keeper of the hot deafs it seemed, and the only portal to them unless you knew sign language. One drunken night I made the mistake of trying to chat with him and his friend over at R Place. The night ended with him getting angry that I was more interested in his friend and he poured his drink on my shoes. The adventure with the hot deafs ended there for me, but I still pined away.

Those of you who know me pretty well, understand that I have no filter at times, and love a good joke about gays, deaf people, poor people, rich people....wait, ok pretty much everyone is fair game for my amusement. Here's where this applies: I have to give myself credit, I have always done a feirce impression of Marlee Matlin. I know if she ever met me, she would have every right to punch me right in the face......hard. (Especially due to the weird psuedo sex dream about her I had... We were married and in bed and she said to me "Fuck me haaaaard!" in that muffled half speak tone of hers... I lept out of bed.) We recently nicknamed the cute female kitty who's been hanging around our backyard Marlee since she seems a little deaf herself, at least on one side. Maybe she could do a guest stint on the L-word!

I think perhaps I've always been a little fascinated by deafness. It's strange but when asked that age old question which sense i'd chose to lose if I had to, never said my hearing. My work is even about visuals, but sound to me I guess is somehow more precious. Maybe it is music? I'm not sure, that's getting too deep for this blog. I truly wonder what the world would be like if you lost a bit or all of your hearing. I've tried putting on noise cancellation headphones before in psychology class to get the basic feeling, but I really am not sure how I would feel about the world around me. It seems like relating to everyone around me would be such a hurdle.

Due to all my joking and seeming insensitivity, I and others have joked that perhaps my "punishment" would be to end up with the deaf man of my dreams. (Doesn't sound like a punishment to me! Maybe a punishment for him....) Who knows.... it worked for my friend Jenny Anderson! She had a penchant for joking about being crippled, and joked about wheelchairs and disabilities like it was her job..... then next thing we know, she had the disabled man of her dreams roll right into her life.... it mostly must have worked because he thought all those jokes were pretty funny too. They often have wheelchair day together at the mall, and Jenny gets her ass in one of those chairs and enjoys huffing around with him side by side. They even wanted to find themselves some good ol' fashioned wheelie porn at one point, but alas that is not a very big industry. Maybe they'll make their own?

Beware hot deafs of LA! Maybe i'll take up sign language just in case.... and this time I don't want to end up with another drink on my feet.


A Single Man said...

Hey Zacki,

Thanks for your note and comments on my blog. It's helpful to know that others read it and find value there. It certainly is helpful for me to write it...back at posting again finally!


Paul said...

Zacki .. this post is just WRONG, WRONG, WRONG and oh so funny as shit. I have never seen a full pic of you, but just thinking of you doing Marlee Matlin just causes me to lose it. I'm sorry you got your shoes spilled on .. you tramp! Great post!

Michael said...

OMG... My favorite scene in "Children of a Lesser God" is when they are all yelling "BA BOOMA RANG-RANG-RANG"! I still do that when I can't hear someone... they have no idea what I am doing. :)

P.S.- Marry me, ok?

Zacki said...

Where's the ring?! heheheh