Free Haircut

Now lets hope this doesn't catch on too much or next we'll be hearing of circumcisions done this way!

Retarded but fun

So the screening went well. We had a smaller crowd than usual, but the typical horrifying fare hit the screen and some serious fun ensued. If you missed the show, you missed out. I have to say, The Hottie & The Nottie was perfectly terrible and ending the night with "Polyester" was sheer genius. I think i'm officially "tarded out."

In the annals of "Its time to give up the schtick"

I just heard a way past middle aged man at work talking on his phone and use the phrases "jail bait" and "You gonna hit that?" in the same sentence.... just ewwww

Project Runway Time: Here we gay again!

Ok, so as is the fashion I will make my predictions of who these contestants are and how they will act, based solely on their name and their photo from the bravo website... Last year was surprisingly accurate... let's see how I do this time around.

Blayne: Ewww... to quote Pretty In Pink... "What kind of name is Blaine?!" Close enough.. I'm already kinda gagging and its not just your flip flops. I sense we have the new heir to the McMeshHat throne!

Daniel: You seem like an annoying know-it all... with bad hair.. Props on the wrist cuff though.

Emily: Oh Emily you're just so quirky! First the asymetrical hair, now the crazy hemlines, how can we keep up with your trendy self?! Oh yeah... open a hipster magazine... wait is this the magazine you subscribe to? Have you just been regurgitating all this stuff?! Bad girl Emily.. bad! We still like you even though you're kinda catty.

Jennifer: Hi, who are you? The auditions for What Not to Wear are down the hall... oh you dropped your pearls and daddy's credit card... there ya go. Run along. (Shame she was the first to go)

Jerell: What. Are you. Wearing? Honestly I think you'll be the guy I enjoy and pull for till you have to make a dresss out of the lint in the dryers and candle wax and get sent home.

Jerry: Hrmmm, you're probably gonna be that annoying picky gay guy I end up hating more every week.

Joe: You're the pig headed dick most likely to be stabbed in the eye by me if seen in public, but one of your creations will probably impress me and that'll piss me off.

Keith: Hello hotness! Me likey! Even though you're sportin' the flip flops too... but you can wear em wherever you want. And you'll probably be one of the better designers, just a hunch.

Kelli: You're the kinda trashy girl with funky shit that mainly has the 70's butt-rock revolution and the 80's as its prime influence... but I'm surprisingly gonna like it.

Kenley: You're that grown up girl who used to wear stirrup pants every day and then someone told her she looked cool when she dressed up as Betty Page one halloween.... so it stuck! This is how you now look this way, which is ok by me... just wish your designs were gonna be more creative after your initial burst of creativity runs out and you get kicked off mid-way through the season.

Korto: Don't hurt me... you look like you're gonna fucking kill me with those creepy eyes and look of disappointment on your face. I think I'll see some cool shit come out of your work but you'll get bogged down by all the annoying bitches and gay guys distracting you...then at some point...poof... where'd she go?

Leanne: You're the kinda crazy bitch of the season, I can smell it! You're like mixing a bedazzled orange plaid velvet jacket with Birkenstocks and a Bright red Valentino strapless gown.... it can be done...its kinda sickeningly fun but after a while you just look like the crazy lady left in the gay bar after the lights come up and everyone is gone.

Stella: Wait, that's a dude right?... no way that's a chick? Ok, well Stella I bet I'm gonna like you. If I were a chick I'd totally be you. Let's do lunch. You're gonna take no shit and take no prisoners...I see hair flying... You'll end up in the top 3.

Suede: You're kinda cute... Now the toss up, will I like your work? hrmmm tough to say. I have a feeling you're gonna be loosey goosey unpredicatable in a bad way for a while.

Terri: Wait, that's a chick? No Way! ok, well Terri You. Scare. Me. Your hair is gonna take me into its clutches and smother me alive in that photo... but I have a feeling you'll grow on me and I'll end up being a big fan! You'll win it all!

Wesley: You're the annoying prig/ priss that I won't like much. You'll hopefully cheat and get kicked out like your predecessors have but I have a feeling you'll be around to annoy me wholeheartedly for some time...

So there it is folks.. now we just have to wait and see how it all turns out.. I'm on pins and needles!

I think my head just exploded a little... in german...

Backyard Screening Time! "Tard-Sploitation!"

Its that time again ladies and gentlemen, the boys of "Gay Gardens" invite you to another fun filled screening night at our house under the stars! This time it is really "Special." We're taking a no holds barred look at the film industry's love of playing "retarded" in every sense of the word. Its time to hang out, drink up, strap on a padded helmet and ride the short bus cause we're giving you a full dose of "TARD-SPLOITATION!"

Our Feature Presentations:

Riding The Bus With My Sister (2005)

"Rachel Simon rode buses for a year with her sister Beth, who has developmental disabilities--the journey changed their lives forever..." Come see the touching moment when Rosie O'Donnell channeled Animal from the Muppets to play a retarded person. You can see the horror in Andie MacDowell's eyes as she realizes she is stuck in the most challenging and terrible roll since "Green Card" as Rosie's Sister Rachel. If anyone would have handed her something sharp on set it either would have gone into Rosie's brain or her own jugular. This is a can't miss movie event!

Then:

A movie montage experience of some of your favorite actors playing "retarded" and laughing all the way to the bank! See hilarious clips from such great flops as Juliet Lewis in "The Other Sister," Cuba Gooding Jr. as "Radio," Sean Penn tarding it up in "I Am Sam," and the list goes on and on...

And to finish:

The Hottie & The Nottie (2008)

With all the backlash against celebutard Paris Hilton, this little film tanked big time this past Spring with only $27,966 on its opening weekend, with each theater averaging $249. The plot is your basic ugly duckling tale where the hot girl has an ugly best friend who's personality wins over the hot guy more than her looks and he can finally see the beauty inside. Join us as we have a few cocktails and laugh at the "acting" of our most famous retard ever: PARIS HILTON. Bring a gas mask and anything you can to protect yourself from the hideous STD cocktail that she is.


Again, all who wish to attend are welcome. If you want to come and need directions etc. let me know! As always, films are subject to change.

When: Saturday, July 19th doors are open after 7:30 and our features should begin around 8pm.
Where: Gay Gardens... Come right on through the gate, we're in the backyard. Write or call me for directions...
Who: You and your friends are all welcome. The more the merrier at these events.
How: Please bring a lawn chair if you have one, some booze or whatever you want to drink, maybe a snack and certainly a sense of humor. We look forward to seeing you all!

"Toilet seat assistance in row number one, thank you!" -Riding The Bus With My Sister

Amazing Quote Of The Day

"So I told himz, he aint gettin' no firecrackers! Aint nothing comin' outta my pocketbook and goin' up in smoke! He can sit down, shut up and enjoy dem fine ass ribs and slaw we havin' and he gonna like it!" - overheard while waiting for my tires to be replaced... amazing